Fresh meat tastes better
How does the partner of a werewolf put up with all that full moon changing?
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Fresh meat tastes better
How does the partner of a werewolf put up with all that full moon changing?
Just be extra sensitive. It's only once a month.
What is Satan's last name?
Well, in these here hills all the way up to the Adirondacks it's usually Scratch, as in Old Scratch
Did you ever speak of the Devil and actually have an Imp appear?
We haven't been on speaking terms since The Exorcist II.
Why don't the living dead have to poop?
It helps fuel their burning desire to eat
If a plane crashes into a cemetery, where will they bury the survivors?
Nice try! :)
If Rome fell, and no one was there to hear it, would it have made any noise?
Perhaps the insects would hear it, never been anyplace where there weren't aggravating bugs!
If you take boat A apart and start to build boat B, when there are no more parts to transfer is boat A now boat B?
Yes, this happens to bars and restaurants that are re-opened and re-named but, weirdly, more or less the same place with the same people.
Where have the Muppets gone?
Fawzi came out.
Gonzo's doing dinner theater.
Beaker lost everything for saying "the n-word."
Statler and Waldorf founded an anti-Islamic political party.
Miss Piggy's at Betty Ford.
Kermit is aging with dignity.
Was eating Captain Crunch worth the sores it made on the roof of your mouth?
He was.
Did I just hear that in the very near future - anyone without a Smart Watch will be out of the loop? (I did, I fear this new next bull****)
You did. But new bullsh*t gets old fast.
Do those on gallows worry about being out of the loop?
Probably not. In the loop is their problem for a short drop...
Did cavemen stockpile clubs with one big one they hoped they would never have to use?
No, their breath alone was a credible deterrent.
Did Stone Age humans feel really embarrassed when they finally thought up metal?
It kinda slapped some of them silly
Did pressing clothing start the Iron Age?
Yes, and policing began in the Copper Age.
If Homo erectus were alive today, he get sick of having everyone call him that?
Embarrassed, more likely. School kids can be vicious about a name like that!
If we all came from the same source, be it created by God or chance evolution, why are we so darn different?
God gets bored of the same old shows.
What is the sound of one hand fapping?
There. Did you hear it?
If we could go faster than light, would we arrive instantly?
If we could go faster than light we'd be in the dark.
Have you seen Olivia Newton, John?
Hanging out with her brother, Fig.
Why is white zinfandel pink? Or, alternatively, why is pink zinfandel not "pink zinfandel"?
Color blind discoverers.
Why is the sky blue?
Because there's no oxygen up there.
Do pythons hug each other when they need a little encouragement?
Yes, very tightly
Are male lions lazy because the lioness does the hunting?
Naw, it's good to be king.
Would zombies make good astronauts?
lol, yes.
is the whole moon made of cheese thing solved?
They would though, right? Because they wouldn't need oxygen, plus you'd get rid of the zombie.
Yes, it's Bree. Now we're trying to figure out why Jupiter's moons are made of pate. Somebody seems to be having a huge party and not inviting us.
Does a teddy bear sh*t in the woods?
No. Kids bed, or that is his story anyway.
What would they have named after FDR, Frankie Falcons?
Um, global warming?
If everyone else bungee jumped off a bridge, would you bungee jump off a bridge, too?
At 348 pounds, nope. When I was a teen and weighed 120 sopping wet, oh, yeah!
Would you ride a bike no hands at 70mph?
If the bike had no hands, I wouldn't ride it at any speed.
What's the difference between an orange?
It's color.
If Jeannie would give Major Nelson anything he wanted, how come she wouldn't show him her belly button?
Show censorship. Apparently cleavage was OK
Why doesn't the rest of the group vote Gilligan off the Island?
Ginger gets violent if four males aren't available at any given time.
Do cavities enjoy being drilled?
If you can call it enjoyment.
Why can some people pick up radio on their fillings?
It isn't hard. The real question is how to get the tooth marks off the radio.
If a shark bites you because it thinks you're a seal, doesn't the shark sort of deserve the seal it ordered?
Nature accepts no substitutes.
Can you go fishing on last year's license if you are only keeping the ones that got away last year?
Yes, but you will sink to the bottom of the lake. Use a boat.
Have peacocks actually ever done anything to be proud of?
Yes, they successfully manage to have a higher opinion of themselves than other animals.
How should I dress to look cool at a party in Poughkeepsie?
Google it. That's what Google is for!
How is it that they call a computer program that produces a facsimile of a printed page a "book?" Perhaps it should be "the medium replacing what was formerly known as a book." Yeah?
They only do it to bust on you, Pen.
If you were dueling with a foreigner, and he intentionally shot into the ground, would you go over to his country and shoot it right back?