Congratulations DieterM !
Yes, an excellent and most poignant poem.
Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY
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Congratulations DieterM !
Yes, an excellent and most poignant poem.
Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY
Sorry, moonbird, chalk it up to my illness and recent hospital stay. You had a rather nice couplet there! Again I am sorry for skipping you.Quote:
Originally Posted by moonbird
No problem, Pendragon. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Pendragon
Good one Dieter, was quite a bunch of words. Pen, I also had no idea what I wrote. Booze. Hope you are well. We love you.
Wow, thanks a lot guys, that really makes my day! I'm not sure it's deserved as all the other poems, each in its own personal way, were great. But it's a subjective decision anyway, and I mesure the responsability as it's mine now. First thing: what shall we write about next? That's a hard one... **still pondering**
Okay, for lack of space in my flat (and because I was too lazy to clean them yet again, I confess), I've been recently throwing away all my childhood cuddy toys.
So let's use this simple topic as our leitmotiv: 'Toys'.
Deadline is July 15th (incidentally the day after my birthday so I'll take your submissions as this year's birthday gift ;-))
To your quills, my friends!
It seems today
we have so many toys
but I have a picture
of a little girl with a corn shuck doll
The look in her eyes is rapture...
Pendragon
The teddy bear without eyes
sits soiled in the corner
next to some broken Lego Blocks
and a few half-melted plastic soldiers
Nothing Happened
Jane's boy toy from last weekend's gone.
Her husband asks about something.
"Nothing happened." Life will bring
The varied flowers from the spring
Along to feel the winter's frost.
They end like toys once played upon
With memories that linger on
Reminding them of what they lost.
Little Lost Teddy
O Father dear
I've lost my teddy
O what am I to do ?
O sleepy one
Ere the sun went down
You left him on the swing
O Father dear
By starlight's grace
I could not espy him there
O dearest child
Perhaps he's gone, and
Run off with the moon to play
O Father dear
Will he return
When the sun should rise ?
O precious one
His will be done
For this we too shall pray
:tailor STATELY
Inspiration for this poem came from a talk at church given by a visiting High Councilman last Sunday (except his child asked him to join her in prayer); and a banner in Placerville, CA up for auction by Cathie Urquhart titled "Bearly Summer" with a teddy bear sitting in a swing in a sunny country backyard.
Half of the time is up already, 4 excellent poems foreshadow heavy migraines when the day of decision will be there for me… Let's say no more; I just wanted to cheer you on. 15 days left to submit your entry. The subject still being Toys.
Plastic smile
shining white
under vacant eyes
Elegant feet
perfectly arched
to fit her shoes
Frozen in time
like a statue
in her cold beauty
The sun shines
on her face
but she cannot feel it
She is smiling
but somehow I doubt
she is happy
The toy is him, because it is
his shape and his size, and it fits
her as he fits her,
and she feels him when he is not there.
Thanks everyone for participating; decision time has come. I didn’t anticipate so many different poems dealing with the subject at hand yet, when reading your entries, with each new one, I told myself ‘Yes, exactly! Ah, and yes, there, too, another new way to speak of toys!’ Needless to say, thus, that I’m really happy to find all of you would qualify to be the winner (I never doubted that).
Now, my sincere excuses; as eager as I am to read your poems, I’m very very bad at analyzing them. I’m maybe just too enclosed in my subjectivity. I will try however to point out the things that touched me with each entry.
Pendragon, I loved the image you created in my mind of that little girl (I somehow see her black-skinned, serious look in her eyes, hair standing up in neat little peaks, perhaps because I see so many of them in this part of Paris) without ever describing her physically.
Jajdude, all the same, your poem makes images arise in my mind more with the things you don’t say than with what you say. You masterfully hint at something awful having – maybe –happened (war? earthquake?) that could be nothing at all, too (just some toys being left behind because people moved out or grew too old to play with the toys).
Yes No, I hadn’t thought of the idea of a boy toy bringing back some meaning to a frustrated wife’s life (and her husband’s as well, or at least, that’s how I read your lines) and find your poem very fitting as it turns the whole subject to something completely different (yet, it IS the same subject after all). Couldn’t prevent from singing ‘The Way We Were’ all along to your poem (“…can it be that life was all so simply then, or has memory re-written every line?…”)
Tailor Stately, I see that teddy bear sitting on the swing, and I hear the little child’s prayer. The structure reminded me of that great Goethe poem ‘Der Erlkönig’ where a father and his feverish son have a poetic dialogue until the little one dies at the end. I particularly liked the idea of the being having ‘run off with the moon to play’.
Moonbird, I simply loved that simple comparison of the doll as seen by the child (again, something you don’t say but imply) and the way we adults would see her, with all the questioning we add. Can a doll be happy? For a child, a non-question (of course she is ‘cause she’s my baby); for us, perhaps the essential (Ive-ish unanswered) one.
Breathtest, I’m not sure I’ve understood what you wanted to say; I had to re-read your poem over and over again. Yet, I don’t have to understand poems (or music) with my mind; if there is something that touches my heart. And ‘he fits her’ is such a strong, magic image (for good ol’ romantic me)… a great poem.
But there can only be one winner. And the decision is not easy. It took me a day too much (remember, I promised to be ready on July 15th). Congratulations, YesNo, the (virtual( prize is yours this time. And congrats & thanks to all of you for that wonderful birthday gift of your precious lines…
Congratulations YesNo...I liked the metaphor you tucked in the middle and the creative use of "toy". "Bridges of Madison County" came to mind.
Thanks, DieterM! And thanks, blythe spirit!
The next topic is beach. I haven't been to one recently, but with Lake Michigan nearby, I have no real excuse.
Deadline: August 6th, three weeks from now.
A crowd gathers in the sun
The sun darkens everyone
And everyone's gone when darkness comes
She pursed her salty lips
as the ferry docked at the terminal.
It's titanic ramp clanged open
while her wrought iron hopes sunk.
Thanks, jajdude and Delta40! Nice contributions!
A Moment Caught in Gold
Liquid sky stretched
beyond the world's edge,
warm water-worn
grains of gold beneath
bare toes leaving
fading impressions
like the memory
of the sun before
it sinks below,
and moonlight
floats across
the mirrored
surface.
i never was so happy
as when there was
sand between my toes
and ice cream on my tongue
Thanks for the contributions to the contest, Dark Muse and moonbird!
I look at a tiny shell
and wonder how long it took
and how far it traveled
to this place where I find it
Thanks, Pendragon!
At the Beach #2
When at the beach
My joy is best described
as that of a year old
Labrador pup
free from restraint
When at the beach
7/30/2011
Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY
Thanks, tailor STATELY!
Thanks, everyone, for the submissions! They were all a pleasure to read.
jajdude: I liked the idea of the sun darkening the bathers who leave when darkness comes, I assume, both to their skin and the sky.
Delta40: There is a strangeness about your piece that I liked, especially the "wrought iron hopes".
Dark Muse: The idea of the beach sand resembling grains of gold as the sun set was nice.
moonbird: I also have happy memories of the beach and ice-cream and your poem helped recall them.
Pendragon: Your thoughts about shells made me realized I've wondered something similar about fossilized shells I've found at some stony shores.
tailor STATELY: Dogs do seem to enjoy the beach. Perhaps it is just the large area they can run in.
It was difficult to pick a winner from this selection, but the winner is Delta40! The unusual idea of sinking hope made your poem stand out.
Congratulations!
Congratulations! Delta40
Wow! This is the first time I've won anything! Thanks so much! (are 3 exclamations a little over the top for this occasion?)
(Days later) Sorry guys I didn't realise I get to pick the next topic so here it is!
Building
The nightmare's terrible vision broke,
and in the dream a building,
and in the nighttime it towers
like a false God, this house
of God.
Building
I built a castle in the sand.
The waves pushed it away.
The castles built up in my mind
Won't leave. They tend to stay.
Time builds us,
binds us, minds us, blinds us,
and we build time
until time unbinds us, reminds us, unblinds us
and unbuilds us.
Just a couple of bricks
A few two by fours
Everyone has to start somewhere
Add some drywall
Tin for the roof
Now we're getting there
Be sure to add love
And a lot of your time
Building your dream...
Haunted by Hydrangeas
Am I the tardy guest
this Midsummer Eve
Silver with the breeze
Or melancholy:
Two dancers, divinely fair
building castles in the aire !
Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY
Where is Delta? We need a judge, here! :willy_nilly::willy_nilly::willy_nilly:
Maybe the winner of the last contest should judge?
Let's give her a couple more days. Otherwise I could judge it as moonbird suggests.
Sorry guys. I'm here and I will read them after my poached egg on toast!
Breathtest - I like the linking lines in this poem and particularly the end, This house of God.
YesNo - Nice metaphor and I wondered about the difference between castles in the sand and castles in the air!
Jajdude - Nice play on words projecting life as a full circle.
Pendragon - What an optimistic poem and so true!
Tailor - There is something magical about Midsummer Eve, silver with the breeze and melancholy. Are your castles in the aire similar to castles in the sand?
I give a poor critique but enjoyed them all immensely. Each of them cover a gamut of emotions and strong images and makes me appreciate the diversity of Lit-Net poets so much.
The winner of this minimalist contest on a bright spring morning in Australia is (drum roll) Pendragon! I found the wisdom of the piece to be inspiring.
Congratulations to you all though and thank you for giving me this opportunity.
Congratulations Pendragon ! And wonderful poems all !!
- from http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/...les+in+the+air : Fig. to daydream; to make plans that can never come true... (example) "I really like to sit on the porch in the evening, just building castles in the air." So perhaps similar to castles in the sand - just as ephemeral.Quote:
Tailor - There is something magical about Midsummer Eve, silver with the breeze and melancholy. Are your castles in the aire similar to castles in the sand?
The inspiration for my piece came about when trying to help a fellow litnetter to find a 19th century painting. I didn't succeed in my quest but there are (8), if I recall correctly, names of paintings from that search in the poem and its title; paintings I found astounding and personal (I'll leave it at that) that drove the poem's creation.
Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY
Wow. Thanks Delta. I'm gonna be busy, I see. So many contests to judge at once...
Topic for the next round: Sunset. Hope to have a huge turnout! :arf: