A Little Bit Of Humour # 270

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 420

Mary had a little lamb
Which she named Teagan
And it would live free
Because Mary was a Vegan

THE FLATULENT CLOWN

At my son’s birthday party we had
A flatulent Clown, called Bunny,
Who lacked control, and every time
The Clown farted, it smelt funny

SPAM ON THE HIGH SEAS

Not even Pirates are immune to spam
And are subject to regular assault
Asking “Have you been involved
In a shipwreck that wasn’t your fault”

AFTER FIFTY YEARS OF SMOKING

After fifty years of smoking
And being a whisky connoisseur
Life has taken its toll on me
And I’m called the Hoarse Whisperer

TWITTER STORM

The definition of a Twitter Storm
When opposing forces clash
Occurs at a time when Russian Bots
Oppose each other and talk trash

WHEN I WAS INTRODUCED TO MY HUSBAND

When I was introduced to my husband
I was told he was very well-to-do
Or so I thought, but I clearly misheard
The truth was he had some welding to do

I HAVE BEEN ACCUSED OF BEING A WALLFLOWER

I have been accused of being a wallflower
With predominant tendencies to encumber
Well to set the record straight, I've been out
With a number of women, if one is a number

ONE DAY IN THE FUTURE THE TIME WILL COME

One day in the future the time will come
When tolerance and acceptance will reign
And chickens will be free to cross the road
Without their motives being questioned again

I DISCOVERED MY FAVOURITE DUCK WAS SICK # 2

I discovered my favourite duck was sick
So to provide the knowledge I lack
I called for the local vet to attend
But when he turned up he was a quack

JULIUS CAESAR EMBARRASSED HIS FRIEND

Julius Caesar embarrassed his friend
Into sharing his sweets at the Senate
Then Brutus stood and watched as Caesar
And the Senators devoured every bit
So on the Ides of March, Brutus struck
With venom behind every blow and hit
And as he lay dying of his wounds
Caesar recognised the men who did it
“Et tu Brutei” he said but Brutus replied
“No you ate three you greedy git”

THE DISTRESSED LIBRARIAN

We ought to be ashamed of ourshelves!
The Librarian yelled in distress
When she entered the library and found
The books were all in a mess

STAR WARS MOVIES WERE MADE

Star Wars Movies were made
Out of sequence, because
At the beginning, in charge
Of film scheduling, Yoda was