A Little Bit Of Humour # 262
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 412
Tuesday’s child isn’t full of grace
Because she and her friend Trace
Are full of cheap cider and ale
And will end up in A&E without fail
WHEN WE WERE KIDS, WE WOULD GO
When we were kids, we would go
Out in the freshly fallen snow
And have a massive snowball fight
Doing battle till the enemy took flight
PUT DOWN # 64
Put downs work the best
For deflecting unwanted attention
But try to be amusing
As this relieves the tension
If he says “hey doll can I buy you a drink”
Give him a measured look and rebuff
“Look I know we all sprang from apes,
But I’m afraid you didn't spring far enough”
I'M LOOKING FOR THE GIRL NEXT DOOR TYPE
I'm looking for the girl next door type
In my hunt for the perfect partner
So I'm just going to keep moving house
Until the day I eventually find her
MY BROTHER IS SO PESSIMISTIC
My brother is so pessimistic,
No matter what his circumstances
If there was a pessimism Olympics
He wouldn't fancy his chances
WHEN THE UMBRELLA
When the umbrella
Was first invented
It was to be called a Brella
But the man hesitated
GREAT BRITAIN WERE INVITED
Great Britain were invited
To the Belgium town of Mons
For the sun tanning Olympics
And the whole team got Bronze
PORNOGRAPHY IS OFTEN FROWNED UPON
Pornography is often frowned upon,
And viewed as degenerating
I frown when I’m watching it
But that's because I'm concentrating
I'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR 10 YEARS,
I've been married for 10 years,
And mostly it’s been heaven
It’s not all plain sailing as I
Haven’t made a decision for seven
GOING TO A FANCY DRESS PARTY
My friend told me he was going
To a fancy dress party
Dressed as an Italian island
I told him not to be Sicily
ANAPHYLACTIC SHOCK CAN STRIKE
Anaphylactic shock can strike
Even if you are normally well
And I can give you the cause
Of Anaphylaxis in a nutshell
COMBINE HARVESTERS
Combine Harvesters
And you'll have a really big restaurant
But a note of caution
Service will still be at best, nonchalant
