With Sincere Apologies to Ronnie Milsap

You’re Such a Pain (After Smokey Mountain Rain)
With Heartfelt Apologies to Ronnie Milsap

I stumbled my way from the barroom to the night club
Found out the girls on stage were men in drag—
Called her on my cell phone from the lobby—
“Tonight’s not going well. Can I come home?”
She screamed so loud she nearly broke the phone!

“You’re such a pain why are you calling? Better phone a lawyer, right away
You’re such a pain! Restraining orders mean don't come over!
They’ll haul you away!
God, I can’t believe you’re such a pain!”

Lit up a fag as I weaved out to the sidewalk
There was a cop car sitting at the curb—
The night was cold and wet as they told me—
“Your ex-wife called and boy, she was disturbed!
You come quietly, do not fight me! Whoa, boy, you'll get hurt!

What a pain! I’m in the drunk tank! I’ve got her to thank.
What a shame!
What a pain! I called a lawyer—I’m gonna sue her
and make her pay!
There’re gonna hold me over the weekend. What a pain!