Christmas 2018 # 6

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 29

Twas the night before Christmas
And all thru the Lodge
Not a creature was stirring
Especially not Rodge
And everyone was grateful
As he was the bullet to dodge
Which is why they didn’t say
They were off to the Lodge

MR GLISTEN COMES TO TOWN

The snow has come its falling fast
It’s time to dance about and cheer
Soon it will be time to build a snowman
I build the same one every year

When the snow is lying deep and fresh
I go to the cupboard in my room
Where I get his hat, gloves and scarf
And of course his Birchwood broom

Mum says “don’t you stay out long”
But she knows that I don’t listen
She knows that it takes some time
To build the perfect Mr Glisten

I always start in the same place
And make the body large and round
For his head I roll a smaller ball
Rolling it on the snowy ground

Soon he stands up taller than me
Rising up from the fallen snow
Each year it takes a little longer
As like me each year he grows

Down his front go pebble buttons
From his neck down to the floor
His stick arms wear his gloves
Which don’t really fit him anymore

Then I put on his scarf and hat
His birch broom stands by his side
Marbles to make his eyes shine
And a stick mouth smiling wide

Last the carrot nose goes in place
And I step back and a moment spend
Gazing at the happy snowman face
Then I say “Hello my old friend”

IS SANTA CLAUS REALLY A WOMAN # 8

Is Santa Claus really a woman?
Well there’s no evidence yet
But ask yourself if a man
Would choose to wear red velvet

WHEN RUDOLPH ARRIVED

When Rudolph arrived
Cupid was so pleased
It meant the other reindeer
Had someone new to tease

ON CHRISTMAS EVE, A NUTCRACKER

On Christmas Eve, a nutcracker
Is turned into a handsome Prince,
Clara saves him from the Mouse King
And go to the land of sweets and mints
There they dance around for a bit
Before the Prince takes Clara as his belle
And they marry and that’s The End
And that is the nutcracker in a nutshell

GROTTOS GO LEGAL

Santa’s little helpers, the first contacts,
Have all been given revised contracts
They will be known by the Santa Claus’s
From this year on as subordinate clauses

NORTHERN LIGHTS

We have just learned
Candles may not be burned
In Santa’s workshop
The practice has to stop
A spokesman claims
That elfin safety is to blame

DO YOU KNOW THIS MAN?

What would you call a man?
With a big belly and no dress sense
Who never replies to your letters
A man that’s too lazy to shave
And is obsessed with stockings,
Who can only be relied upon for one day a year
Will never stop to ask for directions
A man who only owns one suit
Never gets you the present you asked for
And needs to be rewarded with food and drink
Oh and always leaves the dirty dishes
Well what do you think? Could be any man alive eh?
So what would you call this man?
I would call him Santa

CHRISTMAS GOOSE

At Christmas time
I do like a goose
It is my one weakness
And I offer no excuse

Though it does depend
Of course on the bird
To say any different
Would be quite absurd

The quality of goose
That you are executing
Is directly related
To the bird you are goosing

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 30

Twas the night before Christmas
And all thru the Mansion
Not a creature was stirring
Amidst all the family tension
As they were all in their rooms
Doing self-medication