A Little Bit Of Humour # 239
IT IS A SAD FACT OF LIFE THAT IF # 3
It is a sad fact of life that if
Times are going well
You have overlooked something
And it will all go to hell
TELL US WHO DID IT
An old man was sitting on a bench
When something caught his view
He stared at a lad who sat next to him
The teenager had spiked hair in myriad hue
He just kept staring at the lad’s hair
It was colored green, red, orange, and blue
The old man just kept staring at him
And the teenager lost his rag as they do
“What’s the matter old man”?
He said loud enough for everyone
“You never done anything wild in your life”?
And waited for a reply when he’d done
The old man said without hesitation
Replying as quick as a bullet from a gun
“I got drunk once and had sex with a peacock
I was just wondering if you were my son”
A NIGHT WITH A FIT BIRD
I pulled a girl on Saturday night
And when we were getting at it
She rasped, moaned and thrashed about
And I don’t mean just a bit
Well I thought I was a great lover
That I have to admit
But alas she was an asthmatic
Having an epileptic fit
SENTIMENTALITY
The man lived with a wife
Who was overly sentimental
And after many years of marriage
It finally sent him mental
MY YOUNG SON JUSTIN WAS KNOCKED OUT
My young son Justin was knocked out
Of the latest school’s spelling bee bout
Armageddon was the word that did it
But hey it’s not the end of the world is it
THE AIRPLANE WAS INVENTED
The Airplane was invented
By an optimist
While the parachute was
Invented by a pessimist
I HAVE A PHOBIA ABOUT FLYING
I have a phobia about flying
And I won’t fly Virgin, no way
After all why use an airline
That doesn’t go all the way?
YOU SHOULD NEVER GET BACK
You should never get back
Together with an old flame
It’s like having a garage sale
And buying your stuff back again
NEW EVIDENCE INDICATES THAT WOMEN
New evidence indicates that women
Who carry a little extra weight
Will live considerably longer
Than the men who mention it mate
SEX TOY UPGRADE
In this modern age
It is certainly possible
For you to increase
Sexual arousal
With the use of mechanical devices
In particular
They work on women
One of these is a sports car
However these devices
Don’t always work on a man
If he is inclined
To spend all the time he can
Tinkering with the cars parts
Rather than the woman
