The Wretched Dream by Brian Mistark

A Wretched Dream

Last night as I lay sinking into the bed
I tried to fall asleep but thoughts were running through my head
Thoughts of how I miss you and I wished that I was home
And without you though I'm with people I always feel alone
And thoughts of how I miss our baby girl's smiling face
And how I'm missing so much time that I can not replace
As explosions go off in the vicinity of our post
I just close my eyes I'm used to it unlike most
I let the rhythm of the blasts sing me a Sinister Lullaby
And there I fell asleep on that cot that I lie

Most of the time I do not dream, the world just goes away
And I wake up in the morning and it's just another day
But this night in particular I had a wretched dream
As I lay there in the cot from outside I hear the screams

I dreamt that you were home and you just found out that I had died
For my country and my brothers that I lay down my life
And I saw you lying in bed at home and I felt like I was you
Crying in that bed, maybe I was crying too
And I saw you roll over as if to reach for me
But all you felt was an empty place in which I should be
I watch you curl up into a ball of hurt and pain
moved to my side of the bed where I had once lain
You cried frantically, memories spiral in your mind
You try to look at pictures on the night stand but you're blind
With tears that fill your eyes and stream across your face
You try to reason with yourself "he's in a better place"

You rip from your thoughts as all a sudden you hear a cry
From across the hall to the crib our daughter lay inside
And you slowly force yourself upon your two feet
You almost don't have the energy, the depression has you beat
You make your way to our daughter standing in her crib in her room
And as you get closer her cry for me strikes a chord in you too soon
"Dadda dadda" she cried through her needing eyes
How something said so simple had never caught you by surprise
"Daddy isn't here right now, he's gone it's just me
Daddy might not be here but you'll always have mommy"
And as you proceeded to pick her up and bring her to the room
You couldn't control it anymore a feeling of sorrow doom
You cried out so hard in such sorry anguish
I wished I could have comforted you, I wish I wish i wish

But it's too late now for me to do anything
I'm already at Gabriel's gate his trumpet is singing
And as the gates open I wake up with a weighted chest
"I promise baby girl that I will be my very best"
I realized in that dream how much time I actually missed
All the hugs I should've hugged, the times you could've been kissed
I am a slave to that that isn't mine a war that's not my war
screams bring me back to reality, I don't want to be here anymore
"God if you're there please help me safely get home
My wife and daughter need me, throw a man a bone!
I do not know if you are real or if you even care
But please don't let that happen it is something I can't bear"

We don't have a choice what time we leave this place
But I swear to you I'll always fight to see your beautiful face
I love you and I need you, you're my lucky seven
Don't worry love I'll see you soon, whether at home or in heaven
And if death should find me with his embrace a freezing cold
I promise I'll always watch over you both from God's city of gold.