A Little Bit Of Humour # 176
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 377
Mary had a little lamb
She also had a lama
And that’s because she’s
A short sighted farmer
IF THE SINGULAR IS THIS
If the singular is this
And the plural is these,
Why isn’t the plural of kiss
Ever referred to as kese?
I MADE MY GIRL BIMBETTE
I made my girl Bimbette
Really laugh on Saturday
The only problem is I told
Her the joke on Wednesday
APPARENTLY A GOOD COMPOST HEAP SHOULD
Apparently a good compost heap should
Get hot enough to poach an egg on it,
But not so hot it would cook a lobster
Well poached or not I am not eating it
MY HUSBAND IS LIKE A PETROL MOWER
My husband is like a petrol mower
Although he is considerably slower
They are both difficult to get started
Emit foul smells when they’ve farted
And are normally caked in grime
And they only work half the time
I'M A GARDENER AND I'M OK
I'm a gardener and I'm ok
I sleep in the allotment shed all day
I dress in comfy clothing,
That my wife would throw away
Oh I'm happy on the allotment
As I’m not in her way
(Sung to the tune of Monty Python's “I'm a Lumberjack”)
A VERTICALLY CHALLENGED MAN
A vertically challenged man
Went to see his GP
Without an appointment
And he was told at reception
That the doctor would see him
But he’d have to a little patient
MY WIFE WAS IN THE BATHROOM
My wife was in the bathroom
When I suddenly heard her shout
She had rubbed on hand cream
And couldn’t turn the knob to get out
FOGHORN LEGHORN LE ROOSTER
Foghorn Leghorn Le Rooster
Crossed a busy Parisian Rue
Because he had something
Important to cockadoodle dooo
WE MUST REWRITE THE HISTORY BOOKS
We must rewrite the history books
King Tut was not really Egyptian
Dad was a Scot, his Mum Spanish
And he was named Tartan Carmen
