I'm so bored; boredom

What is boredom?

For one to begin writing this in the first instance must’ve been thinking it? Must’ve been apart of it? Right?

Must’ve of felt the boredom building up and taking over from within, to produce the same sickening question said so many times before:

“I’m so bored.”

Why am I so bored?

The saying goes “You should never be bored in life, and if you are then something isn’t right.”

Well being bored definitely isn’t right, but it is your own making, your own creation, manifestation, your decision – fuelled by clouded thoughts blocking any glimpse of positivity. Is it not?

That’s my assessment of what boredom actually is.

Or is it something else? As if something isn’t right, then something must be wrong? Although there isn’t entirely a wrong or right with boredom.

Let me try to explain.

Now imagine being imprisoned inside four walls with no window and only your sanctity to play around with; a visualisation that would almost certainly bring about a torrid onslaught of boredom. Right?

Don’t get me wrong, this is an extreme way of looking at it, but in many ways it is the same as how one is constantly facing the simplicity of boredom if one wasn’t to think inside those walls to begin with.

Because without necessarily realising it, a part of you is inside those walls, but you’re unable to see it what it is, all of the time.

See what you ask?

Those walls? Where are those walls? What are those walls?

I’m not bored because of some walls. Oh, but you are.

The walls are your mind, and occasionally boredom comes to stay, and there’s nothing you can do about it.

It’s a human flaw, and you’re stuck with it.

You see boredom isn’t actually boredom. It’s just another word for thinking. Boredom is to think you are bored, and then to say it, again:

“I’m so bored.”

But the question you are really asking yourself is:

“Why am I bored?”

The other questions which you should be really asking yourself are:

“Why do I think I'm bored?”

“Am I really bored at all?”

Now is it your subconscious telling you that you are bored, or is it yourself? Or is it even something else? Something to do with human nature in itself? Something which is quite uncontrollably out of your hands?

It’s scary now, this boredom, it’s not so boring anymore is it?

So to think is easy. We do it everyday without even thinking about it. That’s the luxury we have been gifted by our ever so impressive brain.

We think, and we think. And we think some more, there’s no stopping it; to think.

To think intelligently is difficult, but if practiced then perfected, it is something which is then made easier; To learn.

To think philosophically is challenging, and the only answers to the questions you have asked yourself is to unfortunately ask another question; to ask.

“Im so bored, I think I know why I’m bored, but I’m not too sure if it’s right or wrong?”

You see there it is again, this right or wrong. Being right, or being wrong. It doesn’t matter. This boredom, it doesn’t matter. You’re thinking, and that’s the only thing that does matter.

You’re thinking about why you’re bored, when the immediate answers to your very own questions in life are thought for you just as quickly as “I’m so bored” vacates your mouth.

Then you sit there thinking about this boredom, when in fact you’re thinking about your life, and you get up don’t you. You get up and you go do something about it, even if you think everything in your life is right, there’s always something which is wrong, or not quite right at the time. Don’t worry, just be bored for a little bit – as to think boredom (to be bored) isn’t as bad as you think it is.

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I was about 10, maybe 11 years old when boredom first crossed my mind.

It was the summer holidays and I found myself sitting on a chair in my living room.

My mum was in the house and I remember thinking how bored I was that I actually started to say those words “I’m so bored, I’m so bored, I’m so bored.” Over and over again.

My mum eventually overheard me and said “If you’re that bored why don’t you twiddle your thumbs or something”. And I did, I literally started to twiddle my thumbs and that’s the last thing I remember.

So I must have had my moment of boredom.

I must have stopped thinking about it.

I must have stopped being apart of it.

As I must have got up off that chair and done something, if it was the right thing or wrong thing to have done at the time, at least it stopped me thinking that I was bored.

So all you have to do is twiddle your thumbs, apparently.

Cheers mum x