A Midsummer's Night Wet Dream the play
A Midsummer’s Night Wet Dream
a play by Wolf Larsen
I'M BETTER THAN SHAKES-A-PAIR-OF-ASSES!!!
Warning: do not read this if you are against sex or are very religious or easily offended by just about anything. You have been warned!
ACT I
SCENE I. An abandoned building that serves as both a crackhouse and house of prostitution.
Enter A NAKED JESUS, HIPPOPOTAMUS ***, RICHARD J DALEY, and Attendants
MR. TESTICLES
Nuptial insanities! Now is the time of fippaddedo!
Draw on giant spaces of anger; because the days are bringing in
So many dyslexic moons: but oooooh outer space orgasms! Methinks rocket ships to everywhere!
And she lingers with hamburger *** desires!
It’s like stepping over growling people,
And this long penis of an oil pipeline carrying adjectives & verbs across the continent...
HIPPOPOTAMUS ***
Orgasmic treats! Marshy mellow high nights!
Four nights of inventing new species, quickly quickly dreaming away the world;
And newly-bent-over pretty boys in homosexual heaven! Shall behold royal blow job nights!
This is Solomon and his 100,000 horny wives of wandering!
MR. TESTICLES
Go! Penis! Go!
Stirring up mysterious merriments;
Nimble-pimple spirits of mirthy-dearthy;
Funerals filled with forbidden sexual joys!
Be a lustful companion of motorcycle love! Oh the illustrious pomp of heroin shooting galleries!
I will be with my sword of an erect 8 inches!
And I won so much anal love, doing smiling injuries to all the outer space kangaroos;
But, so much big buttocks I will wed, and another key opening into hundreds of vaginas,
Let’s all triumph with reveling!
Enter MR. EGGS IN THE HEAD, THE DUCHESS OF HERPES, LUCIFER, and SEXY DEMON
MR. EGGS IN THE HEAD
Happy Thanksgiving Turkey to all the homeless people!
MR. TESTICLES
Titties! Goop to all the egos! What’s the egg salad with cubist women?
MR. EGGS IN THE HEAD
Let’s join the parade of cuckolds!
My child made in the embrace of a cuckold tree!
So stand forth my great erection! My noble lord of 8 inches!
This moople-mipple has consented to marry her, Titties and all.
Stand frothing with cum oh noble erection! Gracious Duke of Phalluses!
This moople mipple has bewitched the butt ox of everyone!
Titties! Titties! More Titties and rhymes,
And interchanging love anuses:
The moonlight has sung us a great hemorrhaging baby pouring out of your **** in a waterfall of blood,
Amongst verses of intertwining sexual corpses, and voices of funeral orgies,
And the stupor of Impressionist fantasies,
With brawling’s of hairy crabs in your space cadet genitals!
Trifles of giant belly buttons in onion soup, and messengers of happy evils,
O strong peepee of one hardened giant youth between the legs:
With cunning ****s going nuclear to the moon,
Which is doopity-ding-dong to me,
To step in so much civilization: and, my gracious corkscrew in a screaming night...
Is so catastrophe!
So consensually marry with your sexual fantasies?
I bop the ancient pipity-poops of Athens,
As sheep are so divine, I may dippy dong dip in her:
Which **** shall be paved across the landscape,
Or to her dopey dingity high, according to our looping loops of loopy...
Immediately! Immediately grasshoppers! Immediately grasshoppers now!
MR. TESTICLES
What **** you, you great Duchess of herpes?
**** the beeping!!
Compose some ulcers in your symphonies!
So waxy WOW!
By him impregnated with the powers of 10,000 penis levers!
Tower loopy! This disfigured statue waking up!
He’s a wart-woangy gentleman...
THE DUCHESS OF HERPES
So is Lucifer.
Lucifer is so well endowed!!
MR. TESTICLES
Inside him he is becoming so much noise, that 1000 symphonies couldn’t contain his chaos!
Drunken booty wooping!
THE DUCHESS OF HERPES
I WOOP! Lookeeee bingle whip! My eyes!
MR. TESTICLES
You must defecate! It’s the judgment of kangaroos bouncing & bouncing all over the court!
THE DUCHESS OF HERPES
Pardon me with flyswatters! I entreat your grace to pull your anus up 1000 miles!
Because I’m in thousands of knots!
Your dinging winging diseases my modesty!
Such delirious presence!
My butt ox beseech you your public bathroom grace!
O it’s the worsty worse!
Ippy I refuse — refuse — refuse to wed that battery-operated toy!
MR. TESTICLES
Either to die the death of too many zing-top-whaaazoos!
Or forever be freakish society!
Titty titty therefore, go to question your carnival of sexual cemetery desires;
Let’s tipsy your youth!
Whippy whip dongy doop!
Loopy loopy!
Four eyes to all the goldfish!
To live in barren cul-de-sacs all your life of white walls,
Chanting hairspray to the cold moons of used up wives.
Blessed with **** Masters that like to drink the audience’s blood,
To undergo pagan pilgrimages of everything wonderful & horrible!
But happy earth is so round with joy!
We’re all withering like a softening penis...!
But then everything grows like train tracks, lives like copulating cockroaches, and dies like too many eyes, in the single most prostituted blessedness.
THE DUCHESS OF HERPES
So wet paint will grow, so sunshine will live, so clouds will die, my penis Lord,
Here I woop whoop whoop!
Underwear is his greatest lordship, whose unwished wish wishes to wonder,
Which is why my city of Seoul consents to the sovereignty of transvestite hooligans...
MR. TESTICLES
Taking Tic tocking time to talk; and, by all the murdering moons —
Sailing like tall buildings between days, between vomit & love,
For everlasting boopsie of a bop going foofie-fee —
Upon black days that fling flop & flup,
For disobedience in the S & M dungeons of too much wonderful things,
For else to wed all the rats in the sewers, as woop woop would;
Or orgasm on the altar of an electric chair,
For oopers & operas, singles and schmingles...
SEXY DEMON
Relentless sweet!
You crazy crazed crazies!
LUCIFER
You have so much father’s lust, with your great dingdong dipper!
Let me have all your anus holes: do the tip-top-tippy with me!
MR. EGGS IN THE HEAD
Scorn the scornful Lucifer lips! Titty true with so much cookie love!
And with what is witty with wonky wonk??
And that sheep is mine! And all my love to write of her! My lovely sheep! My sheep my love! Sheep so beautiful! Sheep so lovely!
I do do my diddly onto ditty do!
LUCIFER
I am so tangerine! My Lord penis, as derived and deceived in do do’d as he,
Possessed with paradises in your stomach!
Orange testicle machines everywhere!
Everyone’s nuttier than nuts!
Everything is more superfast engine!
I am beep beep of beauteous everywhere!
Why should not I have anal sex with all of English royalty?
I’ll scratch & scratch until my skin looks like a poem!
Make nectar and kiss the devil’s daughter...
MR. TESTICLES
I confess to chopping up my mother and eating her!
And killing cats for God!
Booty, booty over-fulled of fresh fruit parades,
My mind is too much pussy pussy pussy!
And delicious ****! You **** with me!
Both of you kill yourselves now!
Arm yourself with refrigerators!
Fantasize your fancies!
Or else tie the world to a different solar system and go up up up!
Witches of too many machines —
To a secret death, or a vow of too much music.
Gorgeous cocksucker you are! I love you!
Dong dong dong!
I must employ you in the business of disposing bodies,
Against 1 million nuptials & sexual conferences with you,
Something so 4 dimensional sex!!
MR. EGGS IN THE HEAD
With giant hysterias of duty we follow you to all the circuses in your head...
Exeunt all but LUCIFER and THE DUCHESS OF HERPES
LUCIFER
How now my lovely **** dripping full of diseases!
How chance the alcoholic wonders of dive bar heavens?
THE DUCHESS OF HERPES
Heroin sailboats, for which I could leap!
The telegraph of her eyes...
LUCIFER
So much me!
Tales of delicious puppy love on a plate!
Oh I love puppy skin carpets too!
Booty butt ho, evangelist booty, so ho, so hypocritical...
THE DUCHESS OF HERPES
O cross on which the human race dies!
LUCIFER
Or else the years trample all over your sanity...
THE DUCHESS OF HERPES
Oh gonorrhea messenger! I love you!
LUCIFER
Or else millions of words with legs attached...
THE DUCHESS OF HERPES
Oh beautiful hell! Let me choose some eyes!
LUCIFER
Orbiting fart delicacies! If there was a choice of fnoop or folly or fnipper,
In these warped psychological walls,
With mooing squirrels, and momentary eternity, and sounds of emptiness...
It’s a dream of children’s toys;
So kiss the lightning!
Tarantulas! In a syphilis!
Say apple at once!
The jaws of make-believe animals devour all the real things:
It’s all coming to confusion! The quick horniness! The bright things!
THE DUCHESS OF HERPES
True lovers of hand grenades:
The destiny of birth to death! An edict of sex for everyone! It all stands like a crying castrated God:
Bing bonking baby!
As dippy do is due to love!
Napalm! Portrait tears! We’re all feet-kissing followers!
LUCIFER
Vagina smile persuasions: hear me BONK!
I have a do wang wrangler!
Of great giddyup! Giddyup!
So I’m peeing on all the carpets in her house;
And she respects me as an apple respects an apple tree.
There! Gonorrhea! May I marry thee!
And to that irresistible invisible place —
Cannot toot a horn penis! Let us pursue our own feet!
And steal a hundred faces, and steal a house too;
Without towns of dead people, without woods of laughing parrots,
Where nothing can exist,
To do observance of all the great accomplishments of the Devil!
THE DUCHESS OF HERPES
My goodie gobbledygook!
Big penis wonders!
So Beep and Boopy his best beanie bop,
By the simplicity of the massive machines in our brains,
Bong and bop! And bop and bong!
That fire which burns in the vaginas of the convent,
When the false ghetto is really the truth of trailer home parks,
Going bow wow by all the wow vowels!
In numbers of more and more!
Thou has appointed me the Seducer of Words,
So tomorrow truly will tomorrow meet with tomorrow!
LUCIFER
The promises of hell worshiping angels!
Enter SEXY ANGEL
THE DUCHESS OF HERPES
Flying foops, Sexy Angel! Is your mouth withering away??
SEXY ANGEL
**** you me fair?
Oh fairest love of cirrhosis: oh hookers fart!
You have too many eyes! And your sweet tongue is licking a fish market,
More tuna than a pussy in a smelly shepherds ear,
When wheat grows in people’s heads.
Oh, if I were favored with a vagina in your forehead,
Your ears would catch helicopters, so foopsy freaky The Duchess of Herpes, here I go ****ing;
Because I have too many ears to catch lost voices, too many eyes to see other eyes,
And that’s why my tongue should catch every pussy in town, with sweet melodies of fishing!
Where worlds of psychosis are mine! Mine! Mine! So be bated with mental illness and fed to butterflies,
I’d give you a great big hearse if factories could be translated into sex...
And that’s why Orgasm! Teach me how to fish for your verb! Teach me how you **** so many nouns!
You are a swaying motion of everything! Devour me now!
THE DUCHESS OF HERPES
I fippedity-doo with him, yet he lusts me like a dildo flying from the earth to the moon!
SEXY ANGEL
Oh frowning frowns that frown with frogging frogs! Teach me how to worship the great Devil! Skill me with intertwining tongues & penises!
THE DUCHESS OF HERPES
It’s the curse of too many congressional lobbyists in my vagina!
SEXY ANGEL
Oh the prayers of little devils! Such affection moves me!
THE DUCHESS OF HERPES
The more I hoola hoop, the more he follows me into fallout shelters!
SEXY ANGEL
The more I die, the more he eats his spinach!
THE DUCHESS OF HERPES
His follies of sexual candy canes, it’s all no locomotive engine of mine...
SEXY ANGEL
None, but your booty: if only thy booty were mine! He would love me like watermelons in the clouds!
THE DUCHESS OF HERPES
Take dope waterfalls: he dope **** see into my face;
Left lane & myself will flippy fly into this poopsie place.
Booty for the times of medieval paradises,
Seemed so Athens as a paradise of castrated hopes to me:
Orgasmic orange orangutans then! What goo goo graces in my Looney Tunes do dwell,
That heaps of truth shall burn heaven with hell!
LUCIFER
Heaps of Helen,
Tomorrow there shall be no night,
So create visions of watery glass!
Blades of blood — liquid death — old people fornicating on the grass...
Car honking tunes!
THE DUCHESS OF HERPES
Let’s play in the woods of eroticism! Where often you & I
Throwing our clothes upon fires of sexual need, my tongue in your pussy doing a great religious act,
Emptying our testicles into love boxes so sweet,
Giving you my giant kosher meat!
So turn away from God! Declare your own nation of one!
Super gigantic! Seeking new friends of S&M!
Farewell to blue sky life, sweet playfellow of forbidden joys: pray your penis to us!
And giant good luck!
LUCIFER
I wilt like a factory rusting into a poem...
Exit THE DUCHESS OF HERPES
Herpes; I wish you adieu, but I know you’ll stay:
As he hops on his herpes throne, the dead gentlemen from the graveyard dotes on you!
Exit
SEXY ANGEL
How herpes in outer space can some other syphilis monster be?!
I am thought to be as boomerang as she!
But what of evangelist super titties?
If he do know of the magical powers of sexual toys:
And sexy candy! Doting on eyes in your hamburgers,
So I become my own Devil, admiring of everyone’s sins!
Titty things! It all be based on vials of imagination that you drink, your face folding into too many squares,
And the dignity of being spanked by a giant ladybug:
And therefore lawyers painting all the dogs blind:
And getting lost in the mind of a cat:
And therefore time machines should be covered in tomato sauce!
Because we are all diamonds in God’s testicles!
As naughty boys play games of naughty things with the naughty girls,
So the boy is eaten by love everywhere:
And when emotional breakdowns comes down in violent hail,
I will go fantasizing with birds and do a flight of insanity:
Tomorrow night, tomorrow night? Tomorrow night!
Exit
Copyright 2015 by Wolf Larsen
