Can Someone Please Get Me Some Toilet Paper?!
Can Someone Please Get Me Some Toilet Paper?!
A poem by Wolf Larsen
Warning: people who are easily upset by just about anything should not read this. Thank you. You have been warned!
I want to shove the third rail up your ***
I want to ride a nuclear donkey through the Russian Empire on the moon
no, I don’t want war, I want the peace of thousands of neon dildos growing out of a firecracker
because I love you like a third testicle
because you are too sweet with your switchblade
my switchblade dangles between my legs like a Christmas tree in July
because I hate all the stars in the sky (oh **** it rhymed!)
because I send the rumblings of Afro-Brazilian drums to you via flying spermatozoa
so that all the Martians can get pregnant
so that spring can grow us new planets out of the ground
and that’s why I love you like a dandelion
I love you like a thermometer in your ***
and that’s why you can’t build architecture with spit
you can’t stop the city from becoming a waterfall
you can’t stop the waterfall of your brains from crashing into outer space
because even outer space needs to be stapled together by words
because too much summer in your feet might cause the nuclear dandelions to bloom dangerously
how else do you expect to find Elvis hiding in a nuclear submarine with the devil?
When the devil & Elvis are singing a duet together you know thousands of Jesus Christs are coming
even then the earth will never be round again
even then the margarine on the table will never stop talking to you
because the catsup bottle wants to become your penis, especially if you don’t have one
and all the people are spinning around worlds of words
all the people are finding their faces in mayonnaise jars
only you know the truth: that none of us are ourselves
that we are all just premature ejaculations in a petri dish
so become yourself
become millions of mushrooms growing in a cave this afternoon
become peace on earth being lowered into the grave
and kiss the devil for me
be with you soon
Copyright 2015 by Wolf Larsen
