Sunday Afternoon Intergalactic Message Transmitted from the Toilet-Throne of the Illi
Sunday Afternoon Intergalactic Message Transmitted from the Toilet-Throne of the Illiterate Messiah of Illiterate Literature
by Wolf Larsen
Warning: if you are heavily into religion or allergic to sex please stop reading now! You have been warned!
It’s time to dig into our anuses and pull out the meaning of life!
It’s time to roll up the entire universe into a joint and smoke it!
We must understand that our erect penises are the greatest expression of poetry that has ever existed! If you don’t have a penis than have one installed immediately! Call 1-800-Penis-Installed now! Operators are standing by!
We must sail across our ceilings until we reach the great tomorrow!
Everyone shall change species now! It’s time for everyone to become a different species! How can you write great poetry if you don’t become a different species?!
All words must become un-words! Right now! I said right now!!
It’s time for ghetto English to become the official language of the Poetic States of America! Everyone writing poetry in standard English shall hereby become delicious cannibalistic dishes at the next intergalactic banquet of the Illiterate Messiah of Illiterate Literature!
All space aliens shall be elected president at once!
Pussy shall be the new goddess! Who would’ve ever guessed that the highest being in existence would be a cat that smelled like fish?!
For the next year all poetry shall be written to the rhythms of polka music! Don’t laugh! Polka music is the greatest expression of the artistic achievements of man and you know it! So everybody start listening to really loud polka music 24 hours a day! Make sure it’s loud enough for all your neighbors to hear too!
Bisexuality shall be the new horny-ist horny that all the goldfish in your aquarium have ever kissed!
Rectangles are now out! Baroque-rococo penises everywhere are now in! Without Baroque-rococo penises everywhere how do you expect to dance the minuet with Satan’s daughters?! All of Satan’s daughters shall be worshiped as the new goddesses of literature now! I said now!
No, wait! Satan’s daughters shall NOT be worshiped as the new goddesses! Instead, everyone will now get on their knees and worship their toilets as the new gods! (It helps to get drunk the night before.) The next time you piss in your toilet remember you are pissing into a god! So show some respect!
From now on all Poets shall create nouns with their phalluses — and all adjectives will be created with pussy juices — and all verbs will be created with the underwear in your mother’s dresser drawer!
Incest as practiced in the Old Testament of the Bible shall be a prerequisite for achieving a Big *** (BA) in English literature! In fact, no one shall receive a degree in English literature without the prerequisite Big *** (BA) accompanied with a cum laude (coming-a-lot)! All prestigious universities shall immediately build academic facilities for cum laude (coming-a-lot)! Those who come-a-lot with big poetry instruments between their legs shall be considered candidates for magnum cum laude condoms.
Insanity is now the new normal! 24 hour insanity shall be screeched from the lungs of every Poet in the world beginning at 3 o’clock this morning! This screeching will continue until World War III!
Pussy is a delicacy! So all poets get in there and start eating now!
There is no more sky! Pretend it doesn’t exist! Just crawl up your nearest skyscraper and jump out into the universe! I can fly weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee e
Copyright 2015 by Wolf Larsen
