A Little Bit Of Humour # 127

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 362

Are you sleeping, are you sleeping,
Brother John? Brother John?
Your alarm is buzzing,
Your alarm is buzzing
Wake up John, Wake up John

IF YOUR BLIND DATE IS DESCRIBED TO YOU # 8

If your blind date is described to you
As “Professional” then start to twitch
Because it will be worse than it sounds
And she will definitely be a Certified *****

I ALWAYS WEAR A SEAT BELT

I always wear a seat belt
Even though they do constrict
But I couldn't work out how
To do it up and then it clicked

I CAN’T PLAY MY INSTRUMENT

I can’t play my instrument
We were mismatched
So I am selling my guitar
No strings attached

I WENT AWAY TO A THIRD WORLD COUNTRY

I went away to a third world country in secret
Because I knew the British doctors would scoff
So I went ahead and had a cheap circumcision
But although it was a lot cheaper it was a rip off

I LOVE THE HUMAN BODY

I love the human body though some
Bits more than others I must confess
And I thank God for nipples, as without
Them breasts would be pointless

OUTSIDE THE DRUG REHAB CENTRE

Outside the drug rehab centre
There was something a little crass
There was a sign on the lawn
That said “Keep off the Grass”

I AM NOT HANDY ABOUT THE HOUSE

I am not handy about the house
Or with the “Do It Yourself” game
And when a book falls on my head
I've only got my shelf to blame

DARTH VADER WAS SOMETHING OF A BAKER

Darth Vader was something of a baker
It was a side of him he liked to hide
He wasn’t good and when he made biscuits
They were always a little on the dark side

ARE YOU WEARING A TIN HAT?

Are you wearing a tin hat?
What kind of headgear is that?
Are you wearing it because, because
You’re off to see the Wizard of Oz

I liked the ones about the shelf and keeping off the grass at the drug rehab center the best. They all had their witty moments.

Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed them