Let's Write Another Story Together

I know it's difficult to take this game seriously but it would be interesting to see whether it's possible to write a coherent story without lapsing into the kind of shenanigans that this type of thread invites.
So if, in this instance, we set the parameters of the tale as being a mystery story that takes place in the 19th century, without resorting to exaggeration or juvenilia, it might emerge as a serious attempt at writing a genuine story. I'll set the ball rolling with :


Mr Pilkington put down the magnifying glass and placed the netsuke in front of the silver ink stand on his desk, before saying to his visitor, 'I suppose you know that it's from Viscount Lockwood's collection.'

"The Viscount? The one found murdered last week in his bath? He collected netsuke?"

' Yes, this is the rare Shogun netsuke and it's worth a great deal of money. How did it come to be in your possession?'

Well I was just wandering about on the lawn looking through the windows because i couldn't seem to get an answer at the front door of the Viscount's mansion and there it was lying slightly hidden behind one of the shrubs. I do know what netsuke is, obviously, because I am familiar with it, but some people might not have noticed it. Not me though, I have keen eyes for that sort of thing"

Said the visitor. Mr. Pilkington looked around to see wherefrom a cat was meowing. And there she was - hidden under the desk. Before Mr. Pilkington and the visitor could do anything, she jumped up on the desk, grabbed the netsuke and swallowed it licking her snout with satisfaction.

Mr. Pilkington lit his pipe in such an absent-minded fashion that he nearly set fire to the brim of his hunting cap. Furrowing his brow, he mused, "Hmm. One supposes that foul play cannot be ruled out, yet for what possible motive? Resentment toward a collector of obscure Asian objets d'art, I suppose, or antipathy for habitual lexical mistakes, to wit, mistaking the word 'parameter' for 'perimeter.' Scores of chaps have been murdered for far less."

"It's not impossible that the murderer was disturbed while stealing the netsuke and threw it out if the window with the intention of collecting it once outside of the building, but ran off when he saw you peering through the window," mused Horatio Pilkington. " What was the purpose of your visit to Viscount Lockwood?”

The stranger's face darkened slightly as he was asked the question, but his accent suddenly became absurdly posh as he answered "Well I was going to ask the Viscount for a loan if you must know, we were at school together and I thought he might help out one of the old boys who was down on his luck, old Locky was always good like that. You know that being an aristocrat doesn't mean you have lots of ready cash, what, what..."
"You mean the Viscount was something of a soft touch?" Pilkington interrupted.
"Yes, I would rather say he was, poor chap, a sucker for the old sob stories was Locky"

"You may not have heard of Ignace Lieberwitz," said Mr Pilkington to Lancelot Constantine, for that was his interlocutor's name, "but he is the world's foremost collector of oriental art and was very upset when the Viscount outbid him for the Shogun netsuke at auction last year."

"Excuse me a moment, Horatio" replied Lancelot, reaching across the desk beside them and taking hold of Pilkington's pad and his pen, "but would you spell that name for me..."

As Horatio obliged the name was written out in large shaky letters, taking up half of the page before them. "I have contacts at the airport who may be able to check if Mr Lieberwitz has entered this country recently, it would be nice to be of some use in this damn sorry affair. He was a good sort, Locky". Lancelot smiled and apropos nothing wrote the year 1976 under the name of Ignace Lieberwitz because, as he explained, "this could take awhile".

Quote:

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Originally Posted by neilgee

"Excuse me a moment, Horatio" replied Lancelot, reaching across the desk beside them and taking hold of Pilkington's pad and his pen, "but would you spell that name for me..."

As Horatio obliged the name was written out in large shaky letters, taking up half of the page before them. "I have contacts at the airport who may be able to check if Mr Lieberwitz has entered this country recently, it would be nice to be of some use in this damn sorry affair. He was a good sort, Locky". Lancelot smiled and apropos nothing wrote the year 1976 under the name of Ignace Lieberwitz because, as he explained, "this could take awhile".

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As noted at the beginning, this story is supposed to be set during the 19th century, so perhaps you could rephrase this entry.

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Originally Posted by Emil Miller

As noted at the beginning, this story is supposed to be set during the 19th century, so perhaps you could rephrase this entry.

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It is set in 19th century OK, and there were cats everywhere around in that century, so you should rephrase your entries.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by free

It is set in 19th century OK, and there were cats everywhere around in that century, so you should rephrase your entries.

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OK, but please remember that this is an attempt to write a straightforward story and non sequiturs only serve to distort the narrative. So:


As for the cat, it was given an emetic and,once it had brought up the netsuke, the objet d'art was locked away in Mr. Pilkington's safe .

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Emil Miller

OK, but please remember that this is an attempt to write a straightforward story and non sequiturs only serve to distort the narrative. So:


As for the cat, it was given an emetic and,once it had brought up the netsuke, the objet d'art was locked away in Mr. Pilkington's safe .

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Without intention to distort anything, I just have an advice, an opinion. When you invite people to 'behave' in your story, you should have given the same example. That you didn't do. But, never mind. I am not resentful. Second, give us some more instructions. For instance, no humor. (I thought the cat scene could be funny).

And, besides, you could just ignore the posts you don't find suitable and reply with the quote of the post you find suitable. I am sure you have the right to do it.

Good luck.

What I would have done to lessen my offense within the thread of not noticing the 19th century earlier (though I did bring the desk back in, give me some credit :lol:) was write Pilkington's next line as something like "but that's 100 years in the future, are you crazy?", rather than stop the whole thread demanding an edit and then laying yourself open to Free's indignation when the cat with peculiar tastes was ignored (quite rightly, I thought, as it took the story somewhere surreal and I thought was done to undermine the story's serious efforts to remain coherent, sorry about that, free, but that's my opinion and I feel like I'd be chickening out if I didn't give it)

Okay since an edit might be rather lost at this late stage in the discussion how about i paste the whole post with the year changed, if anybody still wants to go on with it:

"Excuse me a moment, Horatio" replied Lancelot, reaching across the desk beside them and taking hold of Pilkington's pad and his pen, "but would you spell that name for me..."

As Horatio obliged the name was written out in large shaky letters, taking up half of the page before them. "I have contacts at the airport who may be able to check if Mr Lieberwitz has entered this country recently, it would be nice to be of some use in this damn sorry affair. He was a good sort, Locky". Lancelot smiled and apropos nothing wrote the year 1863 under the name of Ignace Lieberwitz because, as he explained, "this could take awhile".