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I'm lost in the world
heart, cracked and dry
My past suffocates me
No breath to ask why
Lord, I need you
Don't you know my pain
I'm already drowning
So why make it rain
Open my eyes
Show me the truth
Rain living water
I will seek refuge in you
Cleanse my heart
Make me new
Wash away the lies
I want to live for you.
I liked the lines about already drowning so why bring in the rain.
very religious in some ways. the third stanza reminded me of the enlightenment. the idea of opening's one's eyes. :)
I think this is a very good poem, lots of pain and searching and heart.
I didn't like this much. I appreciate your directness but it seemed too plain with nothing to distinguish it in particular - the phrasing wasn't especially beautiful or ugly, there wasn't any logical turn or train of thought that made me think twice. Don't feel bad though, I know that I for one have written worse. Keep trying.
I disagree with Lykren. There is quite a lot in there that is expressed with simple economy. The imagery of rain and washing clean is an old one , but that doesn't mean it is redundant, a cliche becomes a cliche because it works. I think it succeeds because it peaked my interest in the narrator - I want to know what happened next morning