Urilla’s lips were close, almost touching my ear.
“I love you Wyatt,” she whispered.
I reeled back slightly, surprised by the sudden sound of my wife’s voice. I turned around in my chair and saw her standing in the center of the room, holding a small, quilt-wrapped bundle in her arms.
I eased myself out of the chair, walked over to her, and then wrapped her in a tight embrace – mindful of the bundle between us. After a few moments, I held her out at arm’s length and looked her up and down.
“I’ve missed you Urilla,” I said. “You have no idea how much.”
She stepped away from me, her eyes still focused on the bundle that was nestled in her arms. She rocked the bundle to the tune of a sweet lullaby and began to pace the floor. She walked to the partly open door of my bedroom and peeked inside at Mattie, who was lying sprawled-out, naked on the bed.
“It doesn’t seem so.”
I felt my face flush. I hadn’t seen Urilla since Dodge City, and that had been a couple of years before.
“Well Godammit Urilla,” I said. “It’s been over two years since I…”
“Shhhh…,” She said, lifting her finger to her lips. “You don’t want to wake your wife, do you?”
“Don’t worry about her,” I said. “When she takes her medicine, sometimes she stays in bed for days. Besides, we ain’t married.”
Urilla seemed to like this answer. She gave me a pleasant smile as she strolled over to me again, holding the bundle out towards me. I took a step backward and her smile faded.
“He’s your son, Wyatt.”
“I know he is, but…aww… dammit Urilla, he’s dead. Don’t you see that?”
She uttered a half chuckle that would’ve evolved into full blown laughter if she hadn’t looked down just then. It was if she’d seen him for the first time – that thing that used to be our son. The baby was half formed. Its skin was devoid of moisture and the color of black reserved only for extremely ancient things. She let out a gasp and released the bundle. When it hit the floor, it exploded into cloud of ashes. Then, she screamed.
Holding my breath, I ran to the bedroom door. Mattie was still out – dead to the world. I let out my held breath and closed the door.
When I turned around, I saw that Urilla was now sitting at my desk, the chair turned around facing me. Her face was in her hands and she was crying softly. I walked over to her, knelt beside her, and put my hand on her arm.
“Urilla,” I said. “You know that he was never born. Why do you always show up with him?”
Her face twisted up into an expression of pure contempt.
“You were supposed to protect us Wyatt,” she said.
Without waiting for me to respond, she got up from the chair and looked out the open window. I followed her, embraced her from behind, and buried my nose in her hair. I breathed in deeply. I always loved her smell. It was the one memory I had of her that hadn’t faded at all.
“There was nothing I could do Earlie,” I whispered. “Sometimes good women and babies die. I wish it wasn’t so, but they do. That’s just how it is, I suppose.”
My own tears began to flow then. They lit a trail down my cheeks and were quickly absorbed by her hair. She reach up and placed her hands on mine, pressing them hard against her chest.
“What are you going to do about her?” she asked.
“I dunno,” I said. “I expect that she’ll just run away, like all of the others.”
I took another deep breath of her hair. I hoped that my answer would be enough to satisfy her. I didn’t really love Mattie… not really.
“She won’t run,” she said.
“Who?” I asked.
She pointed out the open window to a woman who was approaching the saloon on the other side of the road.
“Her,” She said. “Is she just going to go away, Wyatt?”
I didn’t know what to say. I released embrace and returned to my desk. Instead of sitting on the chair, I sat on the desktop. Urilla followed right behind me.
“Do you love her, Wyatt?” She asked.
I didn’t answer her, couldn’t answer her. I pulled out my knife and began to clean my fingernails with it, ignoring her. Urilla snatched the hat off of my head and threw it across the room. I acted like I didn’t notice.
“Do…you…love…her?” She asked again.
“I don’t know.”
She scoffed and began to pace the room again. On her third pass by me, she snatched the knife from my hand and began to twirl it between her fingers as she walked.
“Do you even know how many times I’ve saved you, Wyatt?” she asked.
“Urilla, I…”
“Do you know how many bullets had your name on them and, if not for my help, would have ended you?”
“I suspect a few.”
“A few,” she scoffed, “more like a few dozen. “Out of all the fights you’ve been in, you’ve never been hit a single time, Wyatt. But, me…oh, I’ve been hit. I’ve been hit many times. If you marry that woman Wyatt, you’re on your own.”
“I don’t plan on marrying anyone”
I hopped off of the desk and went to her. Her tears flowed generously as I embraced her.
“I love you, Urilla,” I whispered. I always have and I always will.”
“I should’ve let you die Husband,” she said. “Then, I could have had you with me all this time – with us.”
“Will you?” I asked – my voice cracking. “Next time, I mean. Will you let me die?”
“Wyatt!” The sound of my Brother Virgil’s voice drifted up through the open window – “Hey, Wyatt… you up there?”
I walked to the window and looked out – down on the street, my brothers, Virgil and Morgan were looking up towards the window.
“What is it?” I asked.
“It’s the McLaurys and the Clantons,” Morgan said.
“They’re down by the Corral,” Virgil said.
I gave them a puzzled look.
“So? That ain’t no crime.”
“They’re armed Wyatt,” Virgil said.
“Ahhh damn,” I said to myself. “Why today?”
“We’re going to take away their irons,” Morgan said. “You coming?”
I didn’t want to leave Urilla just then, but I didn’t really think that I had a choice.
“Yeah,” I said. “I’ll be right down.”
I turned from the window and looked at Urilla.
“I gotta go.”
She came to me, wrapped her hands around the back of my neck, and pulled me to her. Our lips met. When the kiss was done, I didn’t push her away. It was she who nudged me towards the door.
“When will I see you again?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” she said.
“Well, if this don’t go my way, it might just be real soon!”
She smiled at me.
“Not today.”
