Evensong

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11-08-2013, 12:51 PM
L.M. The Third

Evensong

For the pacific sky set in our hearts,
For the sleeping air, like an infant's breath,
For the earth forgetting the name of Death,
For the stillness hov'ring,'til sharp word starts
Soul from her rev'ry and knowledge imparts
Of discordant self that mars nature's health:
Our praises like incense upward depart.
Accept thou the stillness; Suffuse us -- Nay!
Drown us in the deepening yellow sky.
May thy Sun grasp us as he sinks to die,
That triumphant he may rise within us
And greet with exulting calm Ancient Day.
Yet ever be setting most glorious.

Thinking of deleting this thread (actually, I can't do that, can I?) While I like the first few lines, the middle section is hopelessly awkward and unresolved. :(
11-09-2013, 02:55 PM
dara.cv

Quote:

Originally Posted by L.M. The Third

Our praises like incense upward depart.
Accept thou the stillness; Suffuse us -- Nay!
Drown us in the deepening yellow sky.
May thy Sun grasp us as he sinks to die,
That triumphant he may rise within us
And greet with exulting calm Ancient Day.
Yet ever be setting most glorious.
:(

I connected more with this second half of the poem. The lines strongly translate the sinking and rising you associate to the nature of the sun, the breath, one's emotions, life. Love the praise of the infinite endlessness of these two contrasts. Beautiful piece.

If I were to make a suggestion, for me personally, I would have enjoyed having this up and down feeling throughout the whole of the poem.
11-14-2013, 11:41 AM
L.M. The Third

Quote:

Originally Posted by dara.cv

I connected more with this second half of the poem. The lines strongly translate the sinking and rising you associate to the nature of the sun, the breath, one's emotions, life. Love the praise of the infinite endlessness of these two contrasts. Beautiful piece.

If I were to make a suggestion, for me personally, I would have enjoyed having this up and down feeling throughout the whole of the poem.

Thanks. The second part didn't come as easy, so I had more quibbles with it. But now I can see it's more interesting. I'll think about getting more of that dynamic in the beginning.