Do you like my style?

I used to be a literature writer when I was young, but I had to care about other matters and I abandoned my literary talent.

However, I recently published a nonfiction ebook at Amazon (Kindle) and I saw that most people prefer fiction than nonfiction, so I had the idea to write a literary book.

I suddenly had inspiration and I started writing the first pages of my literary book.

I would like to know what you think about my style and if I should write an ebook this way, or if I should write it in a simpler way.

Here are the first pages:


Everything You Need

A Poetic Novel That Will Help You Feel Great


A strange shadow becomes quite visible before the sun in the hollow wall. It indicates someone’s presence, but there is no evidence at all. It can be an animal. It can be a false impression or an invention. No, it is a person. Yes! A person!

The old woman opens the door. Someone wearing elegant clothes with a pleasant fragrance gives her an invitation. She smiles, already agreeing with it.

She is invited to investigate her reality and become more intelligent. It will be an exciting experience. She will find out what exists behind the apparent reality and learn how to be perfect at everything.

The old woman decides to follow this route without a doubt. She suddenly becomes stronger and younger. She paints the city with numerous colors. All buildings become blue, yellow, and pink. She draws many roses in the streets. She also draws cakes and sweets.

The dark side of her reality disappears. She smiles, abandoning the vast years of the past, when she was fat, futile, and false. Now she will finally change. This is a new beginning. She will stop living under numerous fears. Her life will have a new meaning.

She starts preparing her travel bag with many clothes, shoes, and a map. This adventure is so exciting that she doesn’t mind having to spend her time with the things she will need there. She makes a list with everything that might be necessary, like a responsible secretary.

However, there are so many things in her list that there is no room for everything. She cannot resist the temptation to carry with her everything she could need. A billion things could be indispensable, depending on the situation.

This problem makes her stop the preparations. Perhaps she should ask a specialist. She must discover a magical way to carry with her everything she could need.

She opens her laptops and types her question in a search engine: ‘How can you carry everything you have in a trip?’

The answers she finds made her desist carrying everything she could need. She must get adapted to the fact that she must carry only a few things, and find smart solutions.

At this point, she becomes old again. She starts complaining. Her enthusiasm disappears. Everything was made in vain.

Tears.

No, she is not ready for this process of transformation. She is old and weird. She regrets having spent so much time with this preparation for no reason.

All buildings became gray. Her hearts bleeds. She hates this day.

However, how could a problem like that generate so much pain?

She will begin again.

She will think and find a way to always have everything she needs. She starts thinking and thinking, but she feels like an idiot. What happened to her intelligence?

The phone rings.

─ Hello?

─ Hello? Who is this?

─ I’m calling you because in a few days an important fact will happen in your life.

─ What fact?

─ I don't know, but you must get ready for something. Please, tell me your name so that I may verify if you are the right person.

─ My name is Doubt.

─ Hi, Doubt. My name is Confusion. Please, wait a minute.

Silence.

─ Congratulations! You really are whoever you are. In a few days a very interesting experience will deeply mark your existence.

─ I didn't understand what you mean.

─ Never mind. You have received this information entirely free of charge. I can't waste more time with explanations. Have a nice day!

Doubt looks at her bag and gives up bringing with her everything she may need. This mysterious phone call helped her understand that she has no time for complications.

Something important will finally happen in her life!

Perhaps a good mood is everything she needs. Yes! She regrets wasting time with material elements. She was so ridiculous! Now she will be more intelligent and meticulous.


…………………………………..


Please, be sincere. English is my third language. I love this language because of its simplicity and melody, but I’m afraid that I may need an editor…

Thank you!

Firstly I would like to ask you a question. Are you native speaker or not?
I think words like adverbs (suddenly, recently) almost they come before the subject or generally in the beginning of the sentence and for instance you said:

I suddenly had inspiration and I started writing the first pages of my literary book.
I think it is better to say ( suddenly I had....) What would you say?
However, I recently published a nonfiction ebook at Amazon.....( recently I ....) Why you are going to put the adverb after the subject, I don't know..
I think the adverb order is either to be in the first or in the end, however, sometimes there are additional options
The rest page you offered there is no fault on its style
I am myself the English language is a second language to me so if you have another idea against my above notices about adverb order, please tell me to discus
2- I share you the idea that people of nowadays are going to prefer fiction

Hi Mohammad,

Thank you for your observation. I agree with you that it would be better to use the adverb first of all. Adverbs must be before verbs, but not necessarily before the subject.

English is my third language. I’m Brazilian and also Greek because my parents are Greek.

Did you like the poetic style of my words?

hi. i'll be your editor. i'm a freelance editor and writer in nyc, you can visit my blog for my services and writing, www.apoetsperspective.com

Hello Chrissponias, Appreciate your style, but still you need to put lot of efforts to improve grammatical mistakes.

Yes it is really a great one..You can follow it..!!!