A Little Bit Of Humour # 21

ARE YOU WEARING A CRUCIFIX?

Are you wearing a crucifix?
Is it God’s grace you are appeasing?
Is it a symbol of your devotion?
Or is it just aesthetically pleasing
Are you a good Christian girl?
Or are you taunting and teasing
Well by that look in your eye
I think you’re up for a squeezing

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 290

Robin and Richard were two pretty men,
They laid in bed till the clock struck ten;
Then up starts Robin and looks at the sky:
"Oh, sod it Richard, the sun's very high!
Stop sniggering and pull on your knickers
We’re late for training at Twickers”

A GOLF OF DIFFERENCE

I have been playing Golf for years
And sometimes it makes me curse
But it doesn’t matter how bad I play
I know next time it could be worse

ARE YOU WEARING VELVET?

Are you wearing velvet?
That’s the sexiest dress yet
Do you mind if I touch?
Oh I like that very much
I don’t think we should go out
I think without a doubt
We should definitely stay in
And then we can both sin

WE ARE TRADITIONALISTS # 2

We are traditionalists
In our village
Deep in little Britain.
And on a weekend
There is nothing
We like better
Than a game
Of ten peasant bowling

RISE AND SHINE

In the morning
My dad used to
Throw back the curtains
And loudly say
“Wakey, wakey
Rise and shine”
Well as a teenager
“Rise” I could manage
But “shine”
Was never going to happen

YOU CAN’T TAKE IT WITH YOU

“You can’t take it with you”
That’s what they say
But at the end of the day
A will is a dead giveaway

A BICYCLE COULDN'T STAND UP

A bicycle couldn't stand up
Alone it transpired
Because after a cycle
It was obviously two tired