-
The lost girl
"Come on, come on, we got to get out of here" I said loudly, as i i ran through this dark wet place, like a forest; trees were everywhere, the weeds were were so high i could not see where i was going. my feet were numb and cut up and my legs were bleeding, because of the sharp rocks and branches. My body was drenched in sweat from head to toe and I was overheating. My heart was pounding so hard and fast. I was so so scared. I couldn't stop running, nor did I want to look back. My sister wasn't far behind me, she was running too. We had to get help, quick! I saw headlights through the trees from a distance; I knew we were close to help. As I continued to run, I scram my sister's name," Pam,Pam". I didn't want to look back, because I had to get to the road ahead. Pam still wasn't saying anything. "Pam stop playing", I scram as I kept running, "Pam". Still no answer, I stopped to look back and see how far behind she was. I could see a vivid shadow of her running far behind. As I stood there, i waited for her to catch up; the wind sounded so different, I looked up and there were no stars, and the sky was jet black. The moon was bloody red and so much bigger then normal, it was almost like I could touch it, it seemed that close. The weather was changing so fast, that the sweat on my body totally evaporated. It was not cold, it was more of a strong dry wind that I had never encountered before. Suddenly I heard my sister's voice cry out, "No , not me", she cried, she sounded a couple of feet away from me."Pam", I said in a murmur. I was trembling, I was so scared. At that moment i felt someone close by me, as I turned around I couldn't see anything because of the darkness; so I reached toward the direction of her voice. I heard her whisper "come closer". As i felt for her, something dry like dirt, scaly like a snake, and extremely sharp like a thousand razors, grabbed my hand. I quickly snatched my hand back, while doing so, the skin around my fingers up to my wrist was completely torn off. I scram, hardly able to breathe from shock," Why are you doing this to me Pam, is that you?", I said in a terrified but curious voice
-
-
Are you asking us? Isn't this your story?
-
Quote:
Originally Posted by
WALKERNINA
What will happen next?
Hopefully whatever it is is spaced out. That was one big block of sentences.
-
Quote:
Originally Posted by
WALKERNINA
What will happen next?
Hopefully you will pick up a book, read it, discover how to write and realise how dreadful your own effort is. You didn't even bother checking for typos before posting.
H
-
People should stop worrying about HOW something looks and think about what's INSIDE. Whether it's a story or a person.
This story got me all excited but it could have kept going. Are you going by that old addage: 'leave them wanting more'? Because I do.
More More.
Love L-L
-
What the hell does scram mean in the context of this story??? And Laura-Lee if we all sat back and accepted it's what is inside that counts, then stories would never have a chance of reaching their full potential. Writing like every craft, requires some skill. Acquire some and your stories will soar.
-
A little confused about is that just a completed passage ended with suspension? From my point of view, it's more like a beginning of a story. Hopefully, adding some background or sth else will be more attractive.
-
Hi WALKERNINA, I liked your story and more curious to know more.
