A Little Bit Of Humour # 15

ARE YOU WEARING A CHAPEAU?

Are you wearing a chapeau?
That’s the French for hat you know?
Well you look quite sweet I must say
Though I’m not a huge fan of the beret
And the rather limp looking overcoat
It isn’t really what you’d call haute
But I need to find a condom dispenser
Because I have a thing for Frank Spencer

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 285

My little old man and I fell out
I'll tell you what it was all about
What agitated the lazy lout
And caused him to shout
Making me and him fall out
Was that I had money and he had nowt

SCOTTISH INDEPENDENCE # 2

As a proud Briton
I will be disappointed
In a strange way

Not if Scotland leaves
But more so
That Wales will stay

CAN I BUY A GOLDFISH?

I went in to a pet shop and said,
“Can I buy a goldfish?”
The girl said, “certainly sir
If that’s what you wish,
Do you want an aquarium?”
She asked putting me in a tiz
Finally I replied “Well actually
I don't care what star sign it is”

MY GIRL IS TEACHING ME A LANGUAGE

My girl is teaching me a language
Natalia is from Russia you see
But it is not going very well at all
She tried with simple things for me
Asking the Russian word for napkin
Soviette is not the answer apparently

MOBILE COMMUNICATION 2013

“I want to buy a mobile phone,
No I don’t want a camera,
Not even video,
No I don’t want movie down loads
Screensaver’s, internet access,
Or downloads of any kind
I don’t want WAP or WiFi
G3, G4 or G5
I don’t need 100 ringtones
10000 free minutes
Or unlimited texts at weekends
I don’t need a I GB data allowance
I don’t want to play games
I don’t need an MP3 player
I don’t want a tracker,
I neither want nor need
Blue tooth
Sharks tooth
Hounds tooth
Or dog tooth.
I do not require the world at my fingertips.
In short, what I want is a device
To make and receive phone calls
And to send and receive texts
I just want to buy a BLOODY PHONE”
“Thank you that one will be perfect
Does it have a torch?”

FOOD SCARE

I have just found out
That in the meals I buy
That there is sea horse
In my fisherman’s pie

MY PHILOSOPHY OF LIFE

My philosophy of life
Is a simple one
I recommend you try it,
You’ll be glad

Love the people
Who treat you right
Pray for the ones
Who treat you bad