giving in ...and not...

you cannot hear me.
can you not?
Are you trying to put my voice away-
away within your palms into the sky?
How I wish I could fling a curse on you.
and smile upon it.
How I wish I could stop you before my tiring howls
Make you sit
and let them tie your veins in un-do-able knots.
It makes me happy. This sort of thing.
I love waiting for you and then walking away right when your steps are heard
Coming.
I love you when you want to kill me in your arms and let me fall back to the hard ground
with pain doubled, with my soul in warps.
I believe you are trying to think I am not saying things this awful.
I love you but, because, I know
You love me best in this evil glow...
Oh I am getting lost, beads running after and before and forgotten
How I laugh in my silent hidings knowing you are looking for me...tearing yourself away
And the low tearing goes on in me.
Wicked rivulet yours,
I know you can't quite hear me.
I won't let you be, I'll come, rush and plunge you.
You must hear me.