Originally Posted by
hillwalker
It's a powerful poem and the style (especially of the longer stanza) effectively echoes the obsessive qualities that so often accompany love or lust. Fixating on the memory of the moment and the aftermath becomes an all-consuming exercise and you portray it well.
I'm not so keen on the opening verse - 'Before him' is jarring, and 'sent all his belongings' makes it sound as if you received a postal delivery. Maybe a rethink is in order for the first two lines since they are the open door into this piece.
I also feel the final verse is superfluous. Verse 3 makes for a much better ending to what is one of your best pieces on here.
PS - I am unable to reply to your PM because your In-box is already full - you need to delete some of your older messages.
H