Jerrybaldy does Biggus for Christmas

I thought I would put the Christ into Christmas,
I nailed grandma to the wall
with tinsel coloured six inch nails
in case she should happen to fall.
I poured a bottle of red,
Jimmy asked if it was blood of the son.
I knew it was bloody cheap,
I got it two for one.
Uncle Arthur smoked indoors
his annual Café Crème,
like the three wise Magi,
who chuffed away, in Bethlehem.
My cousin, Mary, is up the duff
she says it’s a virgin birth,
but she moans so loud in the park, after dark
there is never any peace on earth.
We had fresh fish for lunch,
I buy only one as a rule
but I did a bit of sleight of hand
and soon we had a school.
The family all gathered for confession
just after our miracle lunch,
Dad ‘fessed screwing aunty Vera.
Mum always had a hunch.
I hokey cokeyed with Santa
he chuckled as I confessed,
of all the invented, that don’t exist
it's him I love the best.

Sublimely ridiculous. I bet Biggus would be turning in his grave if he'd allow us to bury him and his 'humorous poems' once and for all.

H

Well, it's good to know the Christmas spirit lives in you, Jerrybaldy. :D

Very surreal Jerry and thank you for the compliment

Oh dear Hillwalker you're not really a Christmas person are you?

Of course I am, dear Biggus. 'Tis the time to be jolly after all - it's just that I have a perverse sense of humour. :cool:

Seasons greeting, and you should feel honoured to be immortalised in verse - as I'm sure you do.

H

Simply delightful, Jerry. A stream of sheer wit!

Delightfully perverse! And a nice mention for Biggus who has been entertaining us every Christmas. I enjoyed this very much.

Ah...a wonderful Christmas poem! I love the last line!

Either this is very early, or very late.

I hope that Biggus realizes that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, or as Fred Allen said, "Imitation is the sincerest form of television."