In my observation, very few people have blissful marriages. Do you think marriage is a defunct institution?
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In my observation, very few people have blissful marriages. Do you think marriage is a defunct institution?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nostalgia375
Are you suggesting that in some golden past, all marriages were blissful? And if so, what makes you think that? And in either case, what's the blissfulness or otherwise got to to with the potential defunctness - unless you think the only purpose of marriage is bliss, in which case you'd have to prove that it used to cause bliss before but it's now stopped doing so.
I think that, for many, marriage is defined by the wedding, and many couples expect that to be a huge catalyst that will change everything and make their relationship perfect and somehow unbreakable.
In reality, I think that a marriage is simply a symbol, much like the ring you wear, of your status of being with another person, and nothing more. It doesn't truly change the relationship, or at least, it most certainly shouldn't.
In this day and age, for the most part, it's more of a custom and a tradition for most, and something to aspire towards. I think that whether you're married to the person you love and know you're going to be with, or not,
shouldn't really make a difference in your relationship with that person.
And, as has been implied by MarkBastable, a marriage is a bit more complicated than a state of pure bliss, whether from the past, or the present. But, I think I understand the discussion you want to circulate. I think marriages can continue-- Why not? Whether people are married or not, as I've said, doesn't really change their status. They are with someone, or they are not. In many cases, because things aren't always, 'blissful', they separate. That's their business. But, I'm fairly certain that most either go into the relationship not really knowing what they're going into and/or go into the relationship and expect it to be blissful all the time. :D
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarkBastable
I live in the present!
Maybe so. But the word 'defunct' implies the passage of time. In order to be defunct in the present, there has to have been some use in the past.Quote:
Originally Posted by Nostalgia375
So - what use did marriage have, in your opinion, which, if it has been lost, would make marriage defunct.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarkBastable
I would stick to the past, there was certainly one overt usefulness, and that was having vanilla sex and still being respected for it.
I'm not even going to ask you why you're so certain that in the past all married people had vanilla sex. I mean, for all I know, my parents might have been having wild raspberry ripple sex all over the place.Quote:
Originally Posted by Nostalgia375
I've never really understood marriage. It seems to me a antiquated notion that is encouraged by religious institutions, and yet we see atheists getting married all the time. Does it somehow make you in love more? As someone pointed out . . . no, it usually doesn't. The only real reason I can think of getting married is for tax purposes.
Plus, I think a lot of women dream about their fabulous wedding.
This man has some interesting things to say on the subject :):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vXpsT3e8UsM
No. I've been married for 28 years. To expect a marriage to be blissful all the time is not realistic, and to blame the spouse for it not being blissful all the time is selfish. The marriage ceremony in and of itself is not that important. It is the reason for the marriage that is. Love grows and evolves and changes throughout time, there is difficulty along the way. How can you appreciate wonderful times together if all you have is bliss? The difficulties make you appreciate the stronger bond that comes from that. To be there for someone you love in times of happiness and sadness and anger is a proud accomplishment. And have fun along the way. Love for someone is supposed to grow over time- and there are times when I thought I didn't like my husband very much, and there were a few years where he didn't get much of a Christmas present. I'm glad I stuck with it- he is an imperfect person, but the most decent one I know.Quote:
Originally Posted by Nostalgia375
Leaving one's dirty underwear around isn't very sexy, either is living with one's annoyances. But having a true companion who you love and can talk about silly things with means more in the long run.
True. More to the point, this is nothing to do with marriage. It's just to do with relationships. If people think that the point of marriage is to make you happy in ways that living together won't, they're always going to suggest marriage is ultimately pointless, because it'll fail to do that.Quote:
Originally Posted by KCurtis
I don't dream about my wedding or having some fabulous ceremony, but if I'd ever get married I like this idea:Quote:
Originally Posted by Mutatis-Mutandi
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBwXl-fGjN8
now that's a wedding
in general I am not a marriage person but if you expect it to make your relationship better your going down the wrong path, also if you expect it to be happiness all the time cause no relationship of any kind can be that.
Judging by what I see looking around me I'd say yes, marriage is a defunct institution. People are having kids without getting married, married people are getting divorced. I see it everywhere. I don't know what happened. I'm sure it wasn't always like this. Maybe its because women are working and have more freedom. They aren't stuck in marriages the way they used to be. And perhaps much of the time a woman now spends at work was once spent helping make the marriage work.
I view it as a lamentable trend. I either won't get married or I'll marry a young woman from some foreign culture where marriage is still respected. Nearly every marriage to take place among my family and acquaintances during my life-time have ended in divorce. I don't see the point.
Oh, that is adorbaly naive - trust me, they will **** you over far worse than a western gal.Quote:
Originally Posted by Darcy88
A bunch of western men get a oriental wife because they lack looks and charm and money, but they all end up badly, because if you lack looks and charm she only marries you for money, and she will bleed you dry. I lived a considerbale amount of time in South East Asia, and I travelled the region, and it's allways the same story. White man can't get pretty white woman - so he thinks that he will find one from the orient and she shall love him, she makes him think she loves him - as soon as they get married she bleeds his wallet dry and then leaves him for a man she can actualy love, or a richer man.
But these are the poor oriental women, the rich oriental women won't even look at you unless you are of equall social position as them.
marriage is an institution full stop.
an institution is usually forced upon a culture without their prior consent and therefore is a dated concept that plays no major/important role in society.
I consider a pain which by default makes it redundant as far as I am concerned, with all due respect to those who enjoy and believe in marriage.