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Trapped in one's own body
that for years danced.
Now buried in a living tomb
A shell of worthless flesh.
The panic that rises;
Screaming, Screaming inside.
Falling on deaf ears,
In a chamber of emptiness.
The agony climbs
When one's breaths
Can not express life.
Waiting, praying for death.
Kittypaws
Not bad kitty, a very respectable effort. You need an apostrophe in one's though, and I'm not sure about the capitalisation of the second screaming, but it's a mature and very readable poem. Liked it.
Live and be well - H
Thanks H.
I had a problem with a couple of the lines so I have revised it. Hope it is an improvement!
kitty
You're scaring me Kitty! It's like being buried alive...(spine shiver) very effective piece.
I can't remember exactly how it was, but I suspect it might have been better to have left it alone. "When one's breath" would read more cleanly, but the repetition of 'one's' gives the the tone a slightly self-conscious, almost mocking slant which at varience with the message.
"The agony climbs
when breath
cannot express life,
waiting, praying for death."
Is much stronger.
Best - H
One's worst fate possible... how scary and - very effective, Kitty.