Thought You...

At the small end of this deep voice
and some hard spoken words that go right into you as you stand there
trying, to put its shadow away
there is a building dream of the eyes that go making rhymes
of yellow grass of sad sleeping loss
were you there?
I thought I heard you standing
I thought, you tried to hold your breath
I thought,
I thought you went one step into the melting night
while my harp played
thinking you were listening.

Little Gal this is great read.
It made me think of a poem I wrote called: I thought of you.
Ilike these lines

I thought you went one step into the melting night
while my harp played
thinking you were listening

Again it is so similar to mine this is just a line to show you what I mean

Quote:

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I thought of you
it seemed all real
as you stood
there
your shadow bare
stringing a
word, playing
the flute,
you thought
you could fly out
to moon and back
again.

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there is some similarities.
Ilike your poems.:smile5:

:) thank you for the appreciation...
I like ur lines too... :)

I can relate. Nice job

Thanks... :)

I meant to comment on this piece quite awhile ago! Not sure what happened.

It looks like a lot of work went into this poem, because of the halting way it's presented, almost as if the narrator is hesitant to reveal this. There's insecurity, fear, a sense of longing, and loss. The last line is almost bitter, but hopeful. Like an unrequited love. At least that's what I get from this.

''there is a building dream of the eyes that go making rhymes
of yellow grass of sad sleeping loss''

I love this line, though I can't quite figure it out. :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by BookBeauty

I meant to comment on this piece quite awhile ago! Not sure what happened.

It looks like a lot of work went into this poem, because of the halting way it's presented, almost as if the narrator is hesitant to reveal this. There's insecurity, fear, a sense of longing, and loss. The last line is almost bitter, but hopeful. Like an unrequited love. At least that's what I get from this.

''there is a building dream of the eyes that go making rhymes
of yellow grass of sad sleeping loss''

I love this line, though I can't quite figure it out. :)

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whatever you get from it is beautiful and close to much of what I feel about this one... :)
figuring it out is not as important as loving ...
Thanks a lot .. :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Little Gal

At the small end of this deep voice
and some hard spoken words that go right into you as you stand there
trying, to put its shadow away
there is a building dream of the eyes that go making rhymes
of yellow grass of sad sleeping loss
were you there?
I thought I heard you standing
I thought, you tried to hold your breath
I thought,
I thought you went one step into the melting night
while my harp played
thinking you were listening.

---

This poem's voice is surely profound :) Well written.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Devilio

This poem's voice is surely profound :) Well written.

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I love the way you appreciate my work...
It is very, very encouraging... :D