The Shelf

I watch you pick all different books
but you never think of reaching for me
here on the highest shelf,
thrown away next to childhood diaries
that you keep to remember your old self,
today, I see your hand picking my friend,
but you put it back and take me instead,
my heart leaps as you remove the dust,
before cutting a page to write a note
and throwing me back to my shelf,
nevertheless, I am glad to be of some help,
cut me, burn me, use me till the last page,
anyway, I should thank you my dear,
for I can breathe better now.

I KNEW my books could talk! Sometimes I hear them whispering at night...

Interesting poem - one that would benefit from some careful trimming -

for instance, we don't need the underlined part here

as I lie on that shelf waiting for you,
I watch you pick all different books

because in line 5 you tell us you are on the highest shelf - which is actually a better point at which to reveal to the reader that you are a book.

Similarly you mention the dust twice - why? Telling us that your owner brushes away the dust is enough for us to realise you are covered in it, so again line 1 is a little unnecessary. Also 'dusty shelf' repeats the image until it becomes meaningless.

Good poem but in need of editing - less is often more.

H

A very clever and romantic idea.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by everyadventure

I KNEW my books could talk! Sometimes I hear them whispering at night...

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bwahaha, ofc they can! I kiss my books. :blush:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by hillwalker

Interesting poem - one that would benefit from some careful trimming -

for instance, we don't need the underlined part here

as I lie on that shelf waiting for you,
I watch you pick all different books

because in line 5 you tell us you are on the highest shelf - which is actually a better point at which to reveal to the reader that you are a book.

Similarly you mention the dust twice - why? Telling us that your owner brushes away the dust is enough for us to realise you are covered in it, so again line 1 is a little unnecessary. Also 'dusty shelf' repeats the image until it becomes meaningless.

Good poem but in need of editing - less is often more.

H

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you are right as always :D I fixed them now and it sounds better, thanks Hill. :D

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jersea

A very clever and romantic idea.

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thanks jersea, glad you liked it. :D