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What did you take?
You haven't stolen my heart.
Listen: a metronome ticking,
keeping a steady measure of days
just as it did before you.
And I haven't lost my head,
nothing so vital as that!
It's still filled with shopping lists and recipes;
you can't creep in unbidden.
No, your absence is a missing tooth.
A gap holds the place you filled,
a tender space to worry at before sleep
in a way that soothes and stings...
It's such a little thing
I'm missing.
On the one hand it's little, on the other you're aware of its loss.
J
A missing tooth could alter the whole relationship....eloquently written EA, the Mistress of Kitchen Romance.
The Mistress of Kitchen Romance! I have a TITLE! You may now all refer to me as Mistress Adventure.
Mistress Adventure, I like it lots, missing a tooth is more vital than missing a head, I guess. :D
Delightful poem.
The "metronome" metaphor a wee bit too mechanical for me... But then perhaps that's the way you wished to have crafted the verse - the nuances of one's heart beat not being discernible; the days only fleeting days. In the end a self-delusion by the protagonist.
Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY
Thanks for the feedback, tailor... I wanted the overall tone to be one of level-headed practicality... but it really isn't one of my best. My husband's been gone for the past week and I've been rather FRAZZLED running after my three little ones, and for some reason I chose THIS week to re-paint all the bedrooms, so you can imagine what that's like!Quote:
Originally Posted by tailor STATELY
Those last lines are a brilliant summary and contradiction of the poem before it, a revision of the classic Shakespearean line. In this case,
Methinks the lady doth protest too little!
The whole idea of someone missing no more than a tooth is so cute! Great idea, did you find it in the Kitchen, ea? cracking a nut with your teeth, I imagine :) , or looking at one of your little creatures' smile, perhaps... excellent!
The missing tooth is a great analogy because ones tongue constantly probes the gap no matter how many times we tire of the habit - the same way you continue to miss the man in your life regardless of how long he's away for.
H
It must of course be my prescence you are missing ;)
think I will stick with Miss Adventure for its lovely punniness. Great poem.
Sorry, ea, I seem to have overlooked responding to this one. I thought it rather good. The imagery is so quietly expressive. Actually I think it's very good. Live and be well - H
I really like this. Especially the flow of words towards the end.
I really got the image down pat. Which is a good thing because it felt so soothing.
Shadows
I almost missed that bravura piece of poetry! Am left with delight. Thanks a lot.