The Prisoner

This one is to people fighting for freedom everywhere.

The Prisoner

I’ve been awake for some time now.
Everything is dark
I’m naked, and cold.
As I move my hands to the back of my head,
I feel it almost instantly, cold clammy wound.
As I touch it, white flashes before my eyes
Trees, sun, wind.
It’s gone and I´m still cold.

Forced! Beaten! Dragged
Like a sack of meat
I’m here now. I hear their voices calling
Outside the cell, it’s me they’re calling for,
I know it.
I can make out no names, but I know.
Cold chains and a blindfold is forced
It’s to dark to see anyway. Dragged again.

My blindfold is removed
Trees, sun, wind!
An order flies across the courtyard
Everything is cold and dark
As I slowly glide down the splintered pole
And reach the wet bloody ground
My last thought is wonder,
How can the sand be so hot,
When I’m so cold?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sodoff45

This one is to people fighting for freedom everywhere.

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Much as one might admire the motives behind this it's not particularly original - it says nothing about fighting for freedom and in fact could apply to any prisoner, guilty or innocent.

It isn't even a poem really; just some prose cut up into the shape of a poem.

Prefacing your work in this way with a statement that is meant to signify solidarity with the oppressed is rather misguided when the piece that follows doesn't do them a great deal of justice. Rather a hollow gesture.

H

A good effort. In a sense we are all prisoners here of our own device, are we not? (with a nod to the Eagles :))

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Originally Posted by hillwalker

Much as one might admire the motives behind this it's not particularly original - it says nothing about fighting for freedom and in fact could apply to any prisoner, guilty or innocent.

It isn't even a poem really; just some prose cut up into the shape of a poem.

Prefacing your work in this way with a statement that is meant to signify solidarity with the oppressed is rather misguided when the piece that follows doesn't do them a great deal of justice. Rather a hollow gesture.

H

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Its not supposed to be original It is my first poem and I just wanted to see if I had it in me.

The point is exactly that it could be anyone wether he is guilty or not does not matter. The feeling of being a prisoner does. I. And as much for the "prose cut into the shape of the poem" .. I thought that was what free verse meant. To find your own natural rythm.

It's a refreshing theme.

Keep writing and posting!

For a first poem it's admirable and shows promise - but the opening statement you make where you tell us it was written on behalf of 'people fighting for freedom everywhere' is a cheap trick; an attempt to add some seriousness to your poem and it just makes anything that follows difficult to take at face value.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sodoff45

Its not supposed to be original.

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Why not? If you're just recycling other people's thoughts it's a bit pointless. I'm guessing you do have something new to say - so let's hear it.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sodoff45

And as much for the "prose cut into the shape of the poem" .. I thought that was what free verse meant. To find your own natural rythm.

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Free verse is poetry that does not adhere to strict rhyme or meter - NOT prose. There is a huge difference.

Keep writing - but also read as much poetry as you can. And if it's free verse you enjoy writing the most then make sure you read plenty as well.

H

Thank you for you feeedback :) It's very useful.

The leitmotif of "cold" is powerful. As is the expression of your protest. As others say - keep writing and posting - and welcome.