Birthday

Jelly-bean baby
transposed by this grinning boy,
all teeth and June tan.

Five years since he entered the world
with the fury of a summer squall.
Oh, always emphatic,
fists curled fierce or open with joy,
moods sliding like mercury...

And now, surging forward,
his face tilted toward the future
as though it holds the warmth
of sun.

Happy birthday to this grinning boy :)
a vivid picture

Wonderful, up to - but not including - the last line. The sun is just too pedestrian for what you intend.

love moods sliding like mercury. Wonderful mixed expressions of motherhood EA

Pedestrian, eh? I appreciate how your critiques are never trite, Prince, I don't think I've heard the same adjective from you twice :)

Thanks all for reading.

I like he mercury line too

Actually with a bit of work - the world is in desperate need of a new birthday song

Quote:

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Originally Posted by MystyrMystyry

I like he mercury line too

Actually with a bit of work - the world is in desperate need of a new birthday song

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Actually, here in Quebec we do have a new one in the form of the chorus from http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jdf9aqRk--0

Gens du pays, c'est votre tour
De nous laisser parler d'amour

(My countrymen, it's your turn
To let us speak to you of love...)

In place of "Gens du pays" one sings "Notre chere [birthday person's name] or "Our dear [birthday person's name]....