Skyway

2 years before the events of Database
Charles sat on the bench playing a handheld game. Waiting for a Sky Train was a bore. Why couldn't something interesting happen at the Skyway station for once?
Suddenly, the train arrived making an ear shattering shriek as it stopped. T'was a small price to pay for travel. Charles got onto the train without looking up from his game and then sat down. Nothing new. Nothing exciting. Just life.
Without warning, Charles' game shut off somehow. So did the Sky Train. The interplanetary cruise turned into a free fall throughout the galaxy. Screams filled the train as it was sent hurtling to who knows where.
A mechanized feminine voice began talking seemingly from nowhere. "Though it is sad to hear you will soon be left to drift throughout space, I must tell you how happy I am. My powers are finally active and I am free to crush humans throughout space. My name is PHY-O-NA, the greatest robotic mind in existence. As we speak, I am hacking into the core systems of the automated service to make your deaths a little more quick. Bye"
Charles screamed. This was it! Death at the hands of robotic servants. How stupid.
3 days after the events of Database
The cold flashback of his first encounter with PHY-O-NA made Charles' stomach turn. What kind of sadistic machine was she? And how could she be stopped?

I can understand why you wanted to create a scene of calm then shatter it suddenly by having an unforeseeable disaster occur - but the first few sentences describing how bored Charles was were just that - boring. Then the catastrophe when it happened was a little too sudden - all over in 4 short sentences so rather anticlimactic.

I think if you are to tease the reader you need to make the build-up longer and more engaging for the reader. And the disaster needs fleshing out. It has no impact whatsoever in a piece as short as this.

I found the robotic dialogue rather silly as well. Why on earth would a robotic superpower bother telling its victims what it was doing?

If you're planning on exploring this further I suggest you create a more believeable scenario and more rounded characters. Who is Charles and why should we care what happens to him?

You must also come up with some reasonable explanation for how the robot seizes power. Just saying that the hand-held game and train 'somehow' shut off isn't good enough if you expect your readers to trust you even if you intend revealing how later in the tale.

H

I don't know why you used t'was in this story. It seems a little out of place for a sci-fi tale. I think you definitely need to expand on this. Its way too compact atm.

Develop the character so the reader has an idea of who Charles is and like Hill says, why we should give a hoot about him.

Good luck!

Thank you for the constructive criticism folks! I intend to improve later on!