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Softly now, let's not pretend,
Love's not love until the end of letting go.
Even then, love's not love until the end is gone.
Love may be a tributary: one stream flows into another.
Let the waves wash over me so all my cares may smother.
Like a jagged stone, softened by the sea, let the waves wash over me.
1991
Yes, love is not love until the letting go!Quote:
Originally Posted by jajdude
Marvelously put! One must always let go and that is love.
Love is not understood in this world properly and it is somewhat like slavery inn this world and people gratify their various motives and urges in the name of love. Love sets the other free
I enjoyed the sound of this and the extra syllables after the rhyme at the end of the second line. It has a "soft" sound.
As far as the content goes, I didn't understand the third line, but that's no big deal. I don't understand a lot of things. The last two lines I did understand and agree with. Nice way of putting it. The "softly" at the beginning and the "softened by the sea" tie this together. At first I didn't like the "softly" at the beginning, but eventually I saw the point.
Lovely, spontaneous feel to the flow of this. I did have trouble though with your use of "smother" as if it were an intransitive verb in
so all my cares may smother.
And you might agree with this:
Quote:
“Take hold lightly, let go lightly; this is one of the great secrets of felicity in love...”
Robert Orage
I like your lines individually. I feel as if, put together, the first three lines and last three lines do not mesh as well as they should.
I wonder if they could be developed into two different poems.
Thanks for commenting. Originally it was a two part poem. But it was written near 20 years ago.
I believe the original went something like this (long lost papers, just writing from memory):
Love May Be
I
Softly now, let's not pretend
Love's not love until the end
of letting go.
Even then
Love's not love until the end is gone.
II
Love may be a tributary:
One stream flows into another.
Let the waves wash over me
So all my care may smother.
Like a jagged stone
Softened by the sea
Let the waves wash over me.
Is either version better?
You are right. It's a tricky thing. I don't know what it is of course and few do. Remember I wrote this 20 years ago at age of 20 or 21. It's a much overused word. It has lost meaning. That was part of my idea I guess. It's become abstract. Let's fight. Like GOD, it's a bullsheet word now.Quote:
Originally Posted by blazeofglory
I like the above version much better. The line-breaks make it easier to read as well.Quote:
Originally Posted by jajdude
I think there are couple of places where punctuation needs to be revised too - if you are bothered with that kind of thing.
Welcome to the Forum, by the way :)
Thank you, lovely girl
Oh, you!Quote:
Originally Posted by jajdude
*runs away giggling*
:leaving:
yep
slow read is right, very slow
This one never completely went away.
J