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the last sunsets i'll see before
i leave this place will be the
greatest visions i ever have the
pleasure to witness. wisdom will
be imparted by the masters of
the universe and words will fall
into place. by the grace of a power
higher than me i will cease to believe
and simply know.
my soul is half of what it was.
but i learnt to love.
symphonies of the setting sun
run through my mind all the time.
i hope you can see them in these
lines.
Moving and powerful. Words falling into place, knowledge instead of blind faith... a whole programme indeed and one whose fulfillment I wish the N reaches an age before his/her last sunset... To see the symphonies associates in my mind with the biblical Hebrews' "seeing the voices". All the senses have the TOUCH for their basis, I think this is why they are interchangeable...Quote:
Originally Posted by Sampson
One remark, though - I find it difficult to adhere to the idea that one should wait for some masters of the universe to receive wisdom. For me, wisdom is the result of our daily humble endeavour to approach it.
Your poem needs a tiny bit of technical revision IMO to become really fine.
Thanks for it, I enjoyed.
I agree with Bar - it's a fine piece but the line breaks are misplaced making a smooth reading rather difficult.
I agree with Hill re the line-breaks. There's no apparent music or reason to them that I can see. Don't you have any use for them as a means of pacing your poem, of lending cadence to it?
This is masterful. In my opinion it is beautiful, and flawless, and I wouldn't change this poem at all. It's a sublime and true emotion you reveal, and you portray it with a great deal of skill, so that others can perceive it readily in your words. It's the most sacred experience, that you describe. I don't see it that you are saying to wait for masters to impart wisdom, instead I see the masters sort of in a Taoist sense perhaps. I believe I do understand what you mean in that line. This is truly poetic and enlightening. Thank you for sharing!