pulverize

pulverize


she’s going to stay with mom
every daughter does
when they leave
their husbands
but then her mom...
mom died when she was
sixteen

he is ALL
she’s got

she checked into Hudson
an off Broadway boutique hotel
where its cocktail lounge floats
psychedelically on a lit glass floor

under stark white bedsheets
she felt around for him
he’s supposed to be here
he is not here

she can’t breathe
without him

so it became clear
crystal clear...

tomorrow
she will check out at noon
or when the meds wear off
whichever comes first

tomorrow
she will take the E train
go ten stops downtown

tomorrow
when he gets off work
she will be there
in the lobby
where they first met
in the elevator
going up 98 floors

tomorrow
she will walk into him
melt into him

but she did not know
there will be no train service
no lobby no elevator no building
no tomorrow

she will have
no body

she did not know that
when she falls into a deep sleep
on the night of September tenth
two thousand one

oh it's so beautiful dear, so beautiful yet so sad.

i think anyone who reads this has to be moved.

It's hauntingly beautiful yet sad!
I love this piece so much!

I like this, because its another NYC story. I am not crazy about the name, but I guess it is appropriate.

thanks Nik, I felt as though you're the first responder here, very comforting :)

thanks Ang for your kind words

Jersea, thanks for your comment, glad you like a NYC story. I didn't like the title either, it's not a pretty title, but its not a pretty poem either. Don't want to gross anyone out but in the explosions and the subsequent collapse of the towers, some people were pulverized. There is no trace of them. So some families and she has no body [to bury], and she has no body [nobody] because he is all she's got and he's now gone forever. Hope that makes sense.

we never know our fate. I like the personal portrait you painted here.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Haunted

thanks Nik, I felt as though you're the first responder here, very comforting :)

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As I was thinking about this, and something else you wrote, this quote from The Brothers Karamazov came to mind. It's from a chapter of the Talks and Homilies of Father Zosimov, a saintly monk in the novel.

'Remember also: every day and whenever you can, repeat within yourself: "Lord, have mercy upon all who come before you today." For every hour and every moment thousands of people leave their life on this earth, and their souls come before the Lord--and so many of them part with the earth in isolation, unknown to anyone, in sadness and sorrow that no one will mourn for them, or even know whether they had lived or not. And so, perhaps from the other end of the earth, your prayer for his repose will rise up to the Lord, though you did nto know him at all, nor he you. How moving it is for his soul, coming in fear before the Lord, to feel at that moment that someone is praying for him, too, that there is still a human being on earth who loves him. And God, too, will look upon you both with more mercy, for if even you so pitied him, how much more will he who is infinitely more merciful and loving than you are. And he will forgive him for your sake.'

(from Google books, not sure if this link will come up http://books.google.com/books?id=z1k...0place&f=false k it seems to have - the above quote is a little above that place...)

Oh dear haunted. A thousand stories in one dear. You painted such a sad but true picture of the loss and suffering of 9/11. Even now.

Thanks Delta. Probably a good thing that we dont...


Mary my dear, a thousand stories indeed.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by NikolaiI

As I was thinking about this, and something else you wrote, this quote from The Brothers Karamazov came to mind. It's from a chapter of the Talks and Homilies of Father Zosimov, a saintly monk in the novel.

'Remember also: every day and whenever you can, repeat within yourself: "Lord, have mercy upon all who come before you today." For every hour and every moment thousands of people leave their life on this earth, and their souls come before the Lord--and so many of them part with the earth in isolation, unknown to anyone, in sadness and sorrow that no one will mourn for them, or even know whether they had lived or not. And so, perhaps from the other end of the earth, your prayer for his repose will rise up to the Lord, though you did nto know him at all, nor he you. How moving it is for his soul, coming in fear before the Lord, to feel at that moment that someone is praying for him, too, that there is still a human being on earth who loves him. And God, too, will look upon you both with more mercy, for if even you so pitied him, how much more will he who is infinitely more merciful and loving than you are. And he will forgive him for your sake.'

---

yes I did. There are those unaccounted for, those who have not been reported missing because there's no one in their lives to report them missing. This quote is as though written for them. Thanks Nik for remembering them.

What a terrific tragedy - how one small action, leaving temporarily, can wreck lives. It's a really touching, sad piece, beautifully written. Well done, well done.

A great poem that focuses on one tiny, insignificant life which makes everything surrounding it seem more real.

The way you describe her day in such detail brought her to life for me which makes the ending much more poignant (handled more sensationally it could have come across as desperate - but this doesn't)

My only niggle (and yes, I do have one) is

but then her mom...
mom died when she was
sixteen

which does sound like a desperate pluck at the reader's heartstrings. Considering you do such a great job with the rest of the poem perhaps this information could be conveyed more subtly.....

Otherwise I would have to say this is certainly one of your best

H

I keep trying hard not to think of how awful this is, but I keep coming back to the poem, it is truly haunting - no pun, no joke. It really is one of bits of work that keeps flooding back.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Haunted

pulverize


she’s going to stay with mom
every daughter does
when they leave
their husbands
but then her mom...
mom died when she was
sixteen

he is ALL
she’s got

she checked into Hudson
an off Broadway boutique hotel
where its cocktail lounge floats
psychedelically on a lit glass floor

between ironed bedsheets
she felt around for him
he’s supposed to be here
yet he is not

she can’t breathe
without him

so it became clear
crystal clear...

tomorrow
she will check out at noon
or when the meds wear off
whichever comes first

tomorrow
she will take the E train
go ten stops downtown

tomorrow
when he gets off work
she will be there
in the lobby
where they first met
/as strangers/ in the elevator (I think as strangers is unnecessary)
going up 98 floors

tomorrow
she will walk into him
melt into him

---

till this S the poem flew beautifully, it built up to something which IMVHO (in my very humble opinion) should be strongly climatic and less obvious than

but she did not know
there will be no train service
no lobby no elevator no building
no tomorrow

she will have
no body

she did not know any of that
when she fell aleep just before midnight
on September tenth
two thousand one

I don't know exactly what to suggest, but I'd go for something showing, short, interrupted...

On the whole, a valuable and subtle tribute, Haunted. Thanks a lot

Quote:

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Originally Posted by dafydd manton

I keep trying hard not to think of how awful this is, but I keep coming back to the poem, it is truly haunting - no pun, no joke. It really is one of bits of work that keeps flooding back.

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Yes... This is true... I close my eyes and get flashbacks of the rubble and debris and the sorrow on the faces of those that lost.

Dafy, no doubt you can relate to this, you have your London version. Mary said it so well, when you think back all you see are the faces of loss and indescribable anguish.


Hill, you can have more than one niggle! I'll try to find another way to say it, I don't want to take it out, what I wanted to say is, many goes back to their parents in this bad situation, but even that for her is wishful thinking...


Bar, I know I know! It was a subtle but punchy ending originally, but then I wasn't sure if that's clear enough without talking about the desvastation. Let me look at it again. Thanks for pointing that out!!