Have You Ever Had An Existential Crisis?

Here's the wiki article if you're not sure about the term:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Existential_crisis

About a year and a half ago, I had what some people called "a total meltdown" during which I looked at my arms for long periods of time and said things like "no, you don't get it - in a hundred years, this structure won't exist anymore because the cells will have melted! No, I'm not depressed or being weird and suicidal! It's just, our brains are in our heads right now, but very soon they won't be!" followed by long periods of hyperventilation, followed by elation, followed by being completely prostrate on my bed for days at a time interspersed with crying. It was definitely the most significant thing that had ever happened to me. Lasted about two months. The doctors just doped me up and told me that I had a "chemical imbalance in my brain." What a crock.

It's really, really difficult to explain. Basically, I saw death in a new light and it rocked the foundation of my entire perceived existence. It was like my brain was acknowledging a subconscious fear of death that had been there all along, but which I have always pushed down or tried to ignore. I had a big stressful event (one which really had nothing to do with death) and all of a sudden, I was face to face with this formerly unrecognized understanding.

My mind latched onto death, but I've read that similar things happen with other thoughts (such as "does my life have any meaning?" or "I am free to do whatever I want right now"). A "holy s**t" feeling accompanies these experiences (that's really the best way that I can think of explaining it).

Has anything like that ever happened to you?

I've never had it as a crisis like you have, but its been an ongoing problem in my thinking and perceiving for a long time. I have Depersonalization Disorder, pretty rare, but basically, my perception of reality is screwed. I see the world as two-dimensional, my senses are blunted, my body doesn't feel like it's 'on' me. I'm just a floating consciousness that sees a 2-d world. So, yes, I've had plenty of moments where its gotten to me and I couldn't distract myself and I've gotten pretty emotional and actually suicidal.

I know, I know, me = :out:

Reading Kierkegaard and Heidegger certainly eroded my self image as a late teenager, with the odd sleepless night; so much so that I needed to have a break from reading existential material for a time. And ever since, I have felt decidedly alien in society. :alien:

On the positive side, perhaps ironically, my world has made a great deal more sense.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by JuniperWoolf

Have You Ever Had An Existential Crisis?

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Not as you describe.

Nevertheless, fear of death is an essential element of the human condition.

Many people don't consider it until faced with a decisive situation such as the death of a loved one or personal physical jeopardy.

In any case, as the poet (and degenerate alcoholic) Jim Morrison says, 'No one here gets out alive.'

The writer to the Hebrews says, '[Messiah] shared in [our] humanity so that by His death He might free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death.' (Heb. 2:14-15)

The rabbi Saul of Tarsus wrote to people in Thessalonika, 'Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep [i.e. die], or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. According to the Lord's own word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left till the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage [comfort] each other with these words.' (1 Thess. 4:13-18)

Many men and women throughout the world in the past two millinennia have taken comfort in these words.

Yes, I had this really uncomfortable phase around 2 months ago when for days on end, I kept harping over the idea of death and nothingness. It always resulted in this really weird feeling of fear and numbness.
But I realized it always happened when I had nothing to do (it was during the summer vacation), so I started keeping myself busy with some thing or the other. I am still afraid of the idea of death. And I still have doubts about what life means. But all this has resulted in one thing that I am extremely grateful for. I have learned not to take myself too seriously. With which it turns out I am happier in my daily life than I have ever been. Also, whenever I feel hurt or embarrassed for what people do or say to me, it doesn't affect my hitherto over-sensitive mind so much anymore.

The chemical imbalance the doctor described is really depression brought on by overthinking and obsessional thoughts.

I suffered something similar (though not exactly the same) in my late teens when I'd enrolled in course I wasn''t interested in surrounded by people I wasn't intereted in, in order to hopefully (uncertainly) qualify in course I 'was' interested in, and to get certain people off my back - in short, for all the wrong reasons.

In hindsight I wasn't mature or confident enough for the undertaking (it was way removed from the direction I imagined my life would head, and my homelife was upsidedown, my social life was backwards and I'd never felt more out of place with the world as internal and external pressures began to make me feel like a withdrawn gargoyle

I started to skip classes (made me feel guilty as hell, but nevertheless better) and eventually bothering to attend the college (guiltier still, but still existentially happier - though inside I was sad sad sad)

But the botanic gardens was my preferred place for trying to work it all out - I had no one to confide in, and so everything had to be done on my own

Everything seemed pointless, worthless, grey, bitter, but I was just really depressed - and remained so until the final exams passed (which brought temporary relief)

But when the results were posted and I had to confess that I'd dropped out (I hadn't told anyone, much less even admitted it to the crazy part of myself) well, the scorn that ensued - good thing I'd become so comfortable being alone

I just convinced myself that I'd thought they assumed I'd dropped out. And then decided that they must be some really great people to turn on me like that.

I mean I'd had a go, I couldn't do it, even went nuts for the effort - which must have been a worse place than any of them had ever been to

Nah! Bugger the lot of them. I was a hero, if only to me - because from now on I was the only one who matters. If I'm going to go bananas than that's up to me, and no-one with limited experiences was going to tell me otherwise.

But if bananas I went in pursuit of my original goal, then at least I was going to try to go interesting bananas, and bananas on my own terms!

I'd already spent half my life doing things I didn't want to do to try to make a bunch of other (miserable) bananas happy, bananas that would prove to never become happy themselves anyway, so what had I to lose?

Nothing, and everything to gain!

That's why I quite like myself these days (and for many years) - if I begin to get stuck in rut, I just have to remember how much I 'hated' myself back then - and for all the wrong reasons

I thought I would stop back in and post hello, despite myself and my willingness to breech social decorum and discovering that whether I am reactive or contained, little changes in my aging psyche. Juniper, I never had a physiological response like that to the biology of the body, but hyperventilation does occur during a major depressive episode, which I have experienced and did not cure. I still experience mild panic attacks.

Menopause, however, makes me feel uncharacteristically faint, light-headed, aware, perhaps, that life forces are fragile if tenacious.

I hope all my former LN friends are well. The vendor brought my new chair over Friday, but I asked him to keep it until my hospital appt next week because I am a twit and did not want to make room for it by myself, but I might have erred, since I now face the problem of getting 2 power chairs home from the riverfront area. Perplexing details of living! I'd focus on that.

I had this happen before I had my son. I was drastically depressed for a whole year before I could conceive. I read a lot and that seemed to help, but didn't solve anything. Once he came, I started to get better.

I know what you mean. I've been aware of death since I was a kid. I remember realizing that I would out live my granparents and granparents and from then on it was sort of an obssession. I've been treated for depression etc. but you can't stop your mind working. I often sit and think what's the point? Will we continue to exist? How? WHY are we here? But there are no answers besides faith so I draw my blinkers down and continue living. Do NOT read The Wall by Jean-Paul Sartre if you have issues with existance. I felt so displaced after reading it.

Not as you describe, no.

Wake up and smell the coffee, you're dying, eh? The endeavors of humanity are rationalizations. As far as the best of us can tell, there is no point. But those things that justify themselves perpetuate, and since humans have that capacity, they have perpetuated.