Have You Ever Had An Existential Crisis?
Here's the wiki article if you're not sure about the term:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Existential_crisis
About a year and a half ago, I had what some people called "a total meltdown" during which I looked at my arms for long periods of time and said things like "no, you don't get it - in a hundred years, this structure won't exist anymore because the cells will have melted! No, I'm not depressed or being weird and suicidal! It's just, our brains are in our heads right now, but very soon they won't be!" followed by long periods of hyperventilation, followed by elation, followed by being completely prostrate on my bed for days at a time interspersed with crying. It was definitely the most significant thing that had ever happened to me. Lasted about two months. The doctors just doped me up and told me that I had a "chemical imbalance in my brain." What a crock.
It's really, really difficult to explain. Basically, I saw death in a new light and it rocked the foundation of my entire perceived existence. It was like my brain was acknowledging a subconscious fear of death that had been there all along, but which I have always pushed down or tried to ignore. I had a big stressful event (one which really had nothing to do with death) and all of a sudden, I was face to face with this formerly unrecognized understanding.
My mind latched onto death, but I've read that similar things happen with other thoughts (such as "does my life have any meaning?" or "I am free to do whatever I want right now"). A "holy s**t" feeling accompanies these experiences (that's really the best way that I can think of explaining it).
Has anything like that ever happened to you?