Lapurzen

a light shines in the tower up on high
a silent call to a waiting presence
a rope comes falling down
i take hold and scale the walls
a shining light my only guide
i climb for it alone
i crawl over the ledge
my heartbeat slows
i rise and look for my Lapurzen
i can’t see her though
there’s no one here at all
a sword flash alerts me to a silent presence
the sword slash takes my head
i feel it slice the bone
i watch my body join my head on the floor
a lover’s tryst gone horribly wrong
death by an invisible killer

"I'm sorry, your princess is in another castle".

Nope, she's there. The evil witch keeping her captive immobilized her and then made her invisible too.

Vivid and graphic! The only reference I could Google to "Lapurzen" was to a Spanish site. Would you care later to define what it is?

There's an apparent incongruity or tautology in

i can’t see her though
there’s no one here at all

I.e., if there's no one there at all, isn't it redundant to say you can't see her? (Or vice versa)

Yes Prince, I can see your point. Those lines are supposed to convey the fact that you can't sense her in any way. Even her spiritual presence is elusive. I could probably convey that better and simpler with one line. I will take that into heavy consideration upon revision. Thank you for the input.

And Laruzen is simply an anagram of Rapunzel; which was my inspiration for this piece.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Rabid Squirrilz

Yes Prince, I can see your point. Those lines are supposed to convey the fact that you can't sense her in any way. Even her spiritual presence is elusive. I could probably convey that better and simpler with one line. I will take that into heavy consideration upon revision. Thank you for the input.

And Laruzen is simply an anagram of Rapunzel; which was my inspiration for this piece.

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Where's the P? edit: oops sorry, just your typo caught me out. I see the poem has one. One should always take the time to P when one has to. :D

Lapurzen = Rapunzel