See if you can get hold of Don Paterson's latest collection 'Rain' (which won the UK Forward Prize in 2009), in which there's a poem called 'Song for Natalie 'Tusja' Beridze' who makes leftfield electronic music. Your poem reminded me of that, although Paterson's is more OTT. An extract from his poem reads:
For I would have all your plug-ins run in real-time, in the blameless zero-latency heaven of the 32-bit floating-point environment, with no buffer-glitch or freeze or dropout or lag;
and yes, that is copied verbatim. It's very tongue-in-cheek - see if you can get a copy and read it all.
I liked your poem as well - you seem to have an appealingly restless desire to be creative with language. Don't lose that, but see if you can tidy up the poetry side of things and you'll be on to a winner.