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"Lonely"
I am lonely
I am alone
I wish I had company
I wish I had someone
I look in the mirror
I see my, myself, and I
Still lonely
Lonely in the past, present, future
Lonely...me still?
I sleep all night
My spirit appears
He says "you are lonely"
Yeah. Lonely me and you
I am lonely
I die lonely
For I am lonely.
well, all of us will die lonely, we will not have company...
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Yes, welcome to lit-net. If anything I think this piece could benefit from some imagery. Instead of just repeating that you're alone, think of some images or metaphors that bring to mind the idea or feeling of loneliness. While I'm not a subscriber to the "show, don't tell" paradigm I think when what you're telling is extremely common you have to find a way to bring something extra to it; whether it's in the language, the imagery, metaphors, something. As is this piece reads a bit too dry.