Hard Times and Other Little Fantasies

The other day, I got a call from someone at the unemployment agency who told me that there was a problem with my application. She said that my employer told the agency that I was discharged and that in order to collect unemployment, the leave must be "of no fault of my own." I have to write more details of why I was terminated in order for them to determine whether or not I qualify. I'll once again have to delve back into the memory of my horrible experience.

It wasn't a surprise that my employer would object to paying my compensation. When someone is out to destroy you, they stop at nothing to do it.

When I was working, I would often have daydreams about reaching some kind of victory in my life. I would be standing at the copy machine, listening to the rhythmic drone and click of the banal office machine and suddenly find myself in New York City on New Year's Eve. I would hear the hard slam of the hotel room's door as the two of us walk inside. I take her hand and lead her past the bed and towards the towards the balcony. The room is draped in golden light, and as I walk towards the sliding glass door, I can see the reflection of myself dressed in a black and white tuxedo with my wife dressed in pure white holding my hand beside me. Through our reflection I can see nothing but Christmas lights outside. I pull open the glass door to the balcony, and feel the bite of the cold winter air as I step into the night. I look ahead towards the Brooklyn bridge and the endless city skyline. She wraps her arms around my neck and I pull her close to me. I look deep into her eyes and taste wine on her soft lips. I look up and see her eyes slowly open, as if waking from a peaceful dream.

"We did it," I say.

My love smiles and exhales.

"No, you did it." she says.

"But I couldn't have done it without you..." I say.

And then I find myself back in reality. Trapped in the bleakness of adversity. The past is fading day by day and the future is nowhere in sight. Is there a light at the end of this tunnel? And if I get there, who will be beside me?

There comes a time where everyone's support for you fades, and the only thing that you have left is what you believe in.

Excerpt from Diary of a Corporate Burnout