Proof-reading of an essay

The prompt was: Is Ethan Frome an adulterer? Use your own definition and specific examples from the novel to argue your point.

Here's my essay. Criticize whatever you see fit.

Oh, and, if there seems to be a lapse in argument anywhere, or somewhere where extra sentences could have argued the point better, our teacher gave us a length restriction of 2 pages double spaced max. If you copy/paste this to Microsoft word, it's pushing the limit.


What actions constitute adultery? A topic for debate in literature centers on whether Ethan Frome was adulterous against his wife Zenobia. Before any judgments may be passed, one must first define what actions constitute infidelity. Because even the most cautious of individuals have lapses of judgment that cause them to engage in regrettable actions, in this sense, sexual activity with another partner is excluded from the definition; therefore, adultery is best defined as a continual emotional deviance from one’s partner in that one no longer harbors compassion for their beloved. Taking this definition into consideration, Ethan Frome is not an adulterer, as his paroxysms of infatuation for Mattie are infrequent.

Those who believe that Ethan cheated on his wife cite his many feelings of contempt for Zeena as evidence. They state that Ethan’s numerous thoughts of disgust for Zeena symbolizes an erosion of their marriage while his letter of abandonment and plans to move west symbolize his desperation to leave his, “bitter, querulous woman,” (82). In many ways this counterargument holds true, for, surely there has been an emotional deterioration in the Frome’s marriage, whether it be the arguments regarding Mattie’s departure or the hiring of a paid assistant. And clearly Ethan is infatuated with Mattie, as shown by his feelings of, “long-established intimacy,” with her (56). Yet, to insinuate that Ethan is emotionally cheating on his wife is foolish. Ethan refuses to leave because he still cares for Zeena’s well-being. Notice when Ethan was writing his abandonment letter explaining why he would leave Zeena; he was unable to merely complete the letter, “he had forgotten to destroy,” (98). Why feel the need to destroy the letter if he lost his love for Zeena? Also consider when Ethan was contemplating borrowing money from the Hale family to move West with Mattie; he was unable to even, “ask to obtain money from them,” (90). Ethan cannot leave Zeena because he still loves her. After all, for someone who had truly lost his love for his wife, would there be any reluctance to leave? Frustration and arguments are typical in many marriages. Why then would frustration stemming from arguments be considered signs of emotional desertion? The same logic can be applied to Ethan’s failed suicide attempt.

Ethan’s failed suicide is also cited as emotional adultery against Zeena: but how? Albeit, a suicide attempt to escape being, “a prisoner for life,” is a definitive statement that signifies Ethan’s unhappiness in his marriage (84). But was Ethan’s suicide attempt truly an effort to flee his marriage or a result of peer pressure from Mattie? Notice how Ethan feels that, “Her somber violence constrained him,” (106). Would Ethan have attempted suicide on a clear mind? Ethan would have lost Mattie forever if he had driven her to the train station. Considering how Mattie’s, “body shook with desperate sobs,” is it not possible that Ethan’s decision was made in the “heat of the moment?” (104). In the book of Genesis, Eve convinced Adam to eat the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge; similarly, Mattie convinced Ethan to attempt suicide with her. 9 times out of 10 Adam and Ethan would not have made that same decision. Why then is this one coincidence not considered an aberration but rather adultery? Why is Ethan’s mistake adultery and not a temporary lapse in judgment? While Ethan is infatuated with Mattie, his feelings are only infatuation. Although he frequently experiences daydreams about life with Mattie, Ethan cannot will himself to leave Zeena, clearing him of adultery.

Ethan Frome is not an adulterer. As previously mentioned, while he occasionally deviates from his wife Zeena, his deviations are sporadic. Because his marital digressions are infrequent, Ethan Frome is not an adulterer.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by IceM

The prompt was: Is Ethan Frome an adulterer? Use your own definition and specific examples from the novel to argue your point.

Here's my essay. Criticize whatever you see fit.

Oh, and, if there seems to be a lapse in argument anywhere, or somewhere where extra sentences could have argued the point better, our teacher gave us a length restriction of 2 pages double spaced max. If you copy/paste this to Microsoft word, it's pushing the limit.


What actions constitute adultery? A topic for debate in literature centers on whether Ethan Frome was adulterous against his wife Zenobia. Before any judgments may be passed, one must first define what actions constitute infidelity. Because even the most cautious of individuals have lapses of judgment that cause them to engage in regrettable actions, in this sense, sexual activity with another partner is excluded from the definition; therefore, adultery is best defined as a continual emotional deviance from one’s partner in that one no longer harbors compassion for their beloved. Taking this definition into consideration, Ethan Frome is not an adulterer, as his paroxysms of infatuation for Mattie are infrequent.

Those who believe that Ethan cheated on his wife cite his many feelings of contempt for Zeena as evidence. They state that Ethan’s numerous thoughts of disgust for Zeena symbolizes an erosion of their marriage while his letter of abandonment and plans to move west symbolize his desperation to leave his, “bitter, querulous woman,” (82). In many ways this counterargument holds true, for, surely there has been an emotional deterioration in the Frome’s marriage, whether it be the arguments regarding Mattie’s departure or the hiring of a paid assistant. And clearly Ethan is infatuated with Mattie, as shown by his feelings of, “long-established intimacy,” with her (56). Yet, to insinuate that Ethan is emotionally cheating on his wife is foolish. Ethan refuses to leave because he still cares for Zeena’s well-being. Notice when Ethan was writing his abandonment letter explaining why he would leave Zeena; he was unable to merely complete the letter, “he had forgotten to destroy,” (98). Why feel the need to destroy the letter if he lost his love for Zeena? Also consider when Ethan was contemplating borrowing money from the Hale family to move West with Mattie; he was unable to even, “ask to obtain money from them,” (90). Ethan cannot leave Zeena because he still loves her. After all, for someone who had truly lost his love for his wife, would there be any reluctance to leave? Frustration and arguments are typical in many marriages. Why then would frustration stemming from arguments be considered signs of emotional desertion? The same logic can be applied to Ethan’s failed suicide attempt.

Ethan’s failed suicide is also cited as emotional adultery against Zeena: but how? Albeit, a suicide attempt to escape being, “a prisoner for life,” is a definitive statement that signifies Ethan’s unhappiness in his marriage (84). But was Ethan’s suicide attempt truly an effort to flee his marriage or a result of peer pressure from Mattie? Notice how Ethan feels that, “Her somber violence constrained him,” (106). Would Ethan have attempted suicide on a clear mind? Ethan would have lost Mattie forever if he had driven her to the train station. Considering how Mattie’s, “body shook with desperate sobs,” is it not possible that Ethan’s decision was made in the “heat of the moment?” (104). In the book of Genesis, Eve convinced Adam to eat the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge; similarly, Mattie convinced Ethan to attempt suicide with her. 9 times out of 10 Adam and Ethan would not have made that same decision. Why then is this one coincidence not considered an aberration but rather adultery? Why is Ethan’s mistake adultery and not a temporary lapse in judgment? While Ethan is infatuated with Mattie, his feelings are only infatuation. Although he frequently experiences daydreams about life with Mattie, Ethan cannot will himself to leave Zeena, clearing him of adultery.

Ethan Frome is not an adulterer. As previously mentioned, while he occasionally deviates from his wife Zeena, his deviations are sporadic. Because his marital digressions are infrequent, Ethan Frome is not an adulterer.

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Out of curiosity, are you encouraged to use second person in this essay? If not, you'll need to take it out of the second paragraph.

The bold sentence from the first paragraph is far too long. And your comma usage is a bit overboard at points. Also, you've used too many rhetorical questions, which only serve to undermine the surety of your other statements. Also, "9 times out of 10" should be removed. It is not only a cliche; it's also against the essaying norm (to write out any number up to around twenty). There are a couple of pronoun-antecedent disagreements as well.

I can't comment so much on argument because I haven't read Ethan in a few years, but your argument is fine in terms of content.

Hope I've helped.

2nd person was taught to us as a way to address a counterargument. I personally don't care for it one way or another, but, if the teacher says to use it, I won't disagree with him.

Yeah, I was afraid of the comma overusage. I struggle in most of my essays with too many pauses that interrupt a flow I should be trying to establish.

I'll try to get rid of a couple of rhetorical questions. Hopefully I can pack extra detail in to strengthen the argument.

Recommendation of what question(s) I should eliminate?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by IceM

But was Ethan’s suicide attempt truly an effort to flee his marriage or a result of peer pressure from Mattie? Notice how Ethan feels that, “Her somber violence constrained him,” (106). Would Ethan have attempted suicide on a clear mind? Ethan would have lost Mattie forever if he had driven her to the train station. Considering how Mattie’s, “body shook with desperate sobs,” is it not possible that Ethan’s decision was made in the “heat of the moment?” (104). In the book of Genesis, Eve convinced Adam to eat the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge; similarly, Mattie convinced Ethan to attempt suicide with her. 9 times out of 10 Adam and Ethan would not have made that same decision. Why then is this one coincidence not considered an aberration but rather adultery? Why is Ethan’s mistake adultery and not a temporary lapse in judgment? While Ethan is infatuated with Mattie, his feelings are only infatuation. Although he frequently experiences daydreams about life with Mattie, Ethan cannot will himself to leave Zeena, clearing him of adultery.

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These questions were unnecessary because you answer most of them immediately after asking them. Just put your evidence down without the questions, and your argument instantly becomes more reassuringly evident. Is this for a speech forensics class?

Actually, it's an essay for my English 11 AP class. We just finished reading Ethan Frome, and this was our assignment.

Yeah, after reading your critique of my essay, I actually eliminated most of those questions. I think the hardest part about eliminating the last two questions in bold is that I'll have to completely retool the last half of the 2nd body paragraph. I have 3 days left, so I'm not too worried.

Thanks, by the way.

hey IceM, I'm not going to repeat what the other's said, but they are absolutely correct. NEVER pose questions and then answer them immediately. If you can answer the question in one sentence, don't ask it... just answer it. If it's a central question (to your thesis) that will be answered over the course of your paper, then you can ask it. But it's really more of a rhetorical device that should be used sparingly. I'm an English teacher and can tell you that it is massively overused becuase people think it makes their argument "sound smart," but it actually does the exact opposite for an experienced reader. Avoid it when you can. However, something that nobody else seems to have mentioned is your use of quotations. To be honest, they are pretty weak. Most of the quotations you use don't add anything to your argument. Take the quotation marks away, and it doesn't really change anything. Quotations should be used to strengthen an argument because they say something in a particularly forceful, eloquent, creative or original way. If your quotation does not do any of these, it's not useful. A quotation should show how your statement is true... not make the statement for you. For example, your quotation "ask to obtain money from them." It's unnecesarry to quote here becuase you can just say it in your own words. The quote adds nothing. Whereas the quotation "her somber violence constrained him" is a great quote to use because it illuminates your point about his suicide attempt. I hope this helps. Quotations can be tough to use effectively... believe me, I'm in grad school and still have trouble with them sometimes... but are very effective when used correctly, so just keep some of the things I said in mind. You only get better by practicing and revision. Good Luck!