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passing me by
Passing me by
I love to watch the cars go by
I love to see them pass.
I’m standing here aside the road
Lights flashing over my face.
I can’t see what’s inside those cars
I can’t see who is driving.
All I see are two white lights
Approaching and arriving.
Arriving the point where I am standing.
Then they’re gone for a sec.
They change their colour from white to red.
Then vanish in the black.
And as I stand here millions of lights
Are passing me by in this river.
They’re all alike, they’re all the same
It’s only me who’s different.
I love to watch the lights go by.
I love to see them pass.
‘Cuz as they do life does the same,
I step aside and gaze.
please tell me how you like it
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Perhaps better late than never?
You must have posted this at a bad time for no one at all to bother commenting.
I like the sense of isolation you inject into the poem - the rest ofthe world is passing you by and all you see are headlights then tail-lights. That last line tells it all.
Just a couple of slight suggestions :
verse 1 -
I’m standing here aside the road <'beside' makes more sense>
Lights flashing over my face. < in my face maintains the beat>
verse 2
Approaching and arriving. <then makes more sense here>
verse 3
the metre changes because the first line is suddenly longer - unless you want to really change this drastically you can leave it - but
Arriving the point where I am standing. <should 'be arriving at the point' to make complete sense>
But its a perfectly enjoyable piece, which with a little tinkering to adjust the rhythm here and there (and perhaps avoid relying quite so much on rhyme) could be excellent.
The idea is a good one. Well done
H
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I too wonder why this received no response until Hillwalker brought it forward.
I like the thought and the casual way you offer end-rhymes, sometimes fitting, sometimes only approximate. You may have wandered away after getting no response, but if you're still looking in, add some newer work.
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I'll do so when I should happen to produce something new... :smile5:
