Dinner Conversation

“I seriously hate cell phones. I mean, what’s the point of having one if I never get any service?” Matt complained, throwing his cell on the table.

“I get service here.” Nick replied.

“That’s another thing I hate. Everyone else’s cell phone has service. And they always say the same damn thing. ‘I have service.’ Why do I care? That doesn’t help me.”

“Calm down, I was just saying I have service. Anyways, why are you so jumpy?”

“I don’t know, I’m just bored. And a little bit crotchety.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s understandable. Ever since Karen left you…”

“She didn’t leave me. I just decided I wasn’t ready for commitment.” Matt retorted.

“Is that why she threw all of your clothes out on the lawn and had sex with your best friend?”

“I still haven’t forgiven you for that.”

“Hey, get over it. I told you she was a little loose when you started dating her.” Nick said.

“So you slept with her?”

“I was trying to prove a point. You would’ve done the same thing.”

“You’re probably right. By the way, why are we meeting here?”

“Carl said he had something important to tell us.”

“If this is another one of those attempts to get us to buy some crap his
wife is selling I’m walking out.”

“I still have some of that Avon skin cream…”

“I told you not to go for the industrial size tub.”

“It was a 25% saving!” Nick reasoned.

“You find it weird a couple of grown men are talking about savings and
Avon skin cream?”

“A little bit.”

“Not to change the subject, but why did he choose Chinese? I’m just
going to be hungry 30 minutes after we leave.”

“Then don’t eat anything.”

“Why? So I can be the weirdo watching two people eat while sitting in
silence? No thank you. I’d be better off getting block glasses, growing a beard
and wearing a sign that says ‘I watch you sleep.’” Matt explained.

“It would be creepy.”

“It would be very creepy. What are you getting?”

“I haven’t decided yet. I was thinking the sesame chicken.”

“I was thinking the same thing. But I don’t know. It never tastes as good as the stuff you had growing up.”

“That’s true. I guess I never thought about that. Man I’m hungry. I’m
only waiting like 10 more minutes before I order.”

“I’m with you there. What kind of person invites two people out to eat
and then are late?”

“Exactly my point. I’m not leaving a tip. That’s on him.”

“We shouldn’t be expected to leave a tip.” Matt added.

“We can’t be.” Nick agreed.

“If he has the audacity to come in here and demand we leave a tip, we
should walk out.”

“Just ridiculous.”

“Ludicrous.”

“Unexplainable.”

“It’s malarkey.”

“And borderline tomfoolery.”

“If I invite two people out to eat, I make an effort to be there early.”
Matt said.

“We need more people around this city that think like us.” Nick
explained.

“This is the reason the country is in such disarray.”

“I just realized something.”

“What?”

“We sound like our mothers.”

“Great. That’s the last thing we need, to sound like two 50 year old
women with menopause.”

“This is what happens when people don’t show up on time.”

“Damn Carl…” Matt muttered.

“Are we going to say anything when he gets here?” Nick asked.

“Probably not.”

“I figured as much.”

“Did I tell you I got a ticket the other day?”

“For what, speeding?”

“No, driving barefoot.”

"How did he know you were driving barefoot?"

"My foot slipped and I almost hit the car in front of me at a stop light."

“Why in the hell were you driving barefoot?” Nick asked.

“I don’t know. I just didn’t feel like putting on shoes.”

“That seriously has to be the epitome of laziness. You were legitimately
too tired to bend over and put on shoes?”

“It was early, I was tired.”

“And that justifies what may very well be the single laziest moment in
human history?”

“A lot of stuff has been justified with the fact people were tired.” Matt
reasoned.

“Like what?” Nick asked.

“I’m pretty sure that’s what led to the Munich agreement.”

“So you’re saying the beginning of World War II can be traced back to
the fact Neville Chamberlain was tired?”

“Pretty much. Why else would he give up the Sudetenland?”

“You never cease to amaze me.”

“Thanks.” Matt replied.

“Not a compliment.”

“Oh, the door’s opening!”

“Is it Carl?”

“Yeah…wait…no. It’s just some businessmen.”

“Damn.”

“One of them has that Bluetooth headset thing.”

“Yeah. Those things are good for driving.”

“I guess. But they’re getting a little out of hand. The other day I was in
Wal-Mart and the kid running the electronics department had one on. It’s a
little ridiculous that an 18 year old feels the need to wear a Bluetooth headset
at Wal-Mart. It’s like he’s expecting that he’s going to get some ridiculously
important call from Mr. Sam Walton pertaining to their new method of slashing
prices.” Matt said, ending his tangent.

“That’s true, I suppose. And I hate how uppity people get when they
wear one.”

“I know. It’s like they expect us to bend over backwards for them
because they’re wearing a headset.”

“Pretty stupid. But they are cool.” Nick replied.

“Yeah they are. The other day I was at the video store wearing one
and I felt like a secret agent or something when I got a call. I pressed it real
close to my face so I could whisper into it.”

“That’s a little lame. But I do the same thing.”

“So what do you suppose Carl’s going to tell us?”

“I don’t know. Maybe he and Anne are getting a divorce.”

“I hope so. I can’t stand her. That one year at Christmas she got us all
matching sweaters like we’re 10 or something.”

“Yeah. Or how about the time she said I tried to kill her?” Nick added.

“You probably shouldn’t have backed out of your driveway when the
back window was still frosted over…”

“True. But she shouldn’t be standing behind a car that has its reverse
lights on.”

“Good point. And those LED ones you got are blinding.” Matt explained.

“Don’t you think she’d get the hint to get out of the way?”

“Apparently not.”

“At least it was only slight rib bruising.”

“And the doctor said if you hadn’t of sprung the money for the nicer
bumper she could’ve died of internal injuries.”

“So kudos to me then.” Nick said, feeling better about running over
Anne.

“Exactly.”

“Hey, there he is!” Nick exclaimed.

“About time.” Matt added.

“Carl, what took you so long?”

“Yeah. We’ve been waiting forever.”

“You really have some nerve letting us wait here 20 minutes for you to
show up.”

“I’m starving now.”

“And I hope you don’t expect us to leave a tip for the waiter.” Nick
made sure to push this idea.

“That is definitely on you now.” Matt said, agreeing.

“That was just rude.”

“Guys…I have cancer.” Carl muttered.

The table went silent.

what about the tip?

Haha. I was actually going to originally end it with Matt saying, "So...does that mean we leave the tip?" but I didn't know if that would take away from the sudden impact of the comment. I also didn't know how heartless that would make the characters seem.

haha, yeah I know where you are coming from. It definitely depends on how you wanted the story to go, to still keep its humor or that sudden change from the light to the dramatic. I think you did the latter quite well.

I quite enjoyed it, even though some of the statements given by the characters were not, how I would say colloquial. the story definitely points out the poignant aspect of relationships and that is, 'we seem to get more selfish, when more people are involved in our lives'. very interesting.

First of all, I've told several other people this when they post their stories: You don't have to use dialog tags beyond "said" or "asked." I understand that your characters have no spatial representation, which means they're lacking the ability to convey body language, but I think the ambiguity lends to a good story in cases such as these. Let the reader interpret how your characters say their lines, but never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever do you need to say that your characters have exclaimed, replied, yelled, etc. It's a belabored point. Maybe I should copy and paste this section for when it happens.

Second, I have to be honest when I say I wasn't able to invest myself in your story. I felt that the opening was reaching for an everyman feel, and the ending was just a ploy at melodrama. Make me care about your characters if you're going to tack on the whole cancer thing.

Writing purely in dialog is always difficult, so I hope I've helped.

Not bad, pretty humorous. However, I feel the conversation and dialog was a bit forced. If you could rewrite it in a way that has the characters speaking more smoothly and freely, it could be a good one.

I would have liked that tip-thing... would have made clear that they're gonna make it no matter what and never lose their humor... I mean there is no better reaction or help in a serious situation than humor... about this saying-exclaming-stuff I agree... it's an irksome interruption of the funny conversation.... just cut this out and I perfectly like your story;)

By organizing a special "party" to declare about his disease wasn't Carl "asking for it"? After all, he is probably as silly as his friends, even though he has a cancer.

Personally, I think this whole thing read like a Seinfeld script... which is probably why I enjoyed it. I totally agree about the tags though. there are only two people talking for 95% of the story, and the sequence never changes, so the tags just slow you down. Once Carl comes in, then maybe it's needed. I also would love to see the additional line about the tip... I think it adds to the ending. Honestly, I do feel like the way it's ended is kind of a ploy, but if you continue with the sardonic remark about the tip at the end, it almost plays off of the ploy and makes it worth more. Even though the announcement of cancer is the "surprise," it ending with "the table went silent" is almost expected. Maintaining concern about the tip plays against expectations. Plus it continues with the characters' senses of self-importance. That's just my take on things tho. Entertaining nonetheless.