Mindfully
Through each day go forth.
And tumult and terror rains eternal.
Invisible to you.
Not something I would share.
That one, withering secret.
Better left untold.
Lest it destroy the reality.
Of us...Together.
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Mindfully
Through each day go forth.
And tumult and terror rains eternal.
Invisible to you.
Not something I would share.
That one, withering secret.
Better left untold.
Lest it destroy the reality.
Of us...Together.
I really like it; short, economic and very potent. I like the alliteration of the Ts in the third line. I might merely remove the "and" from that line, as well as the "together" in the last line and maybe "one" after "that one".
I like this little cloud of thunder....
Wow, thanks a lot! :)Quote:
Originally Posted by MorpheusSandman
Ya, originally, it didn't have the "together" at the end, but when I re-typed it here, for some reason I just thought it would be better :P Haha guess not.
Thanks again for all the CC :)
Hehe, I'm glad you do. :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Delta40
Thanks!
This is really a very interesting poem different from the archetype.
Why thank you :DQuote:
Originally Posted by blazeofglory
Very kind :)
Very nice, be better without the punctuation. A nice brief poem that says a lot with a little!
Do you mean just the ellipses, or all punctuation?Quote:
Originally Posted by Pendragon
Thanks for the feedback! :)