The Bible is unreadable

Because I'd had no success reading the full Bible I thought I'd try an abridged version ("Testament" abridged by Philip Law). But I couldn't even get through that! It still had too many old prophets charging round the desert doing despicable, meaningless and unmotivated things.

I was reading the Iliad at the same time, and turning to it for light relief! I finished that and started reading Dostoevsky, Shakespeare, and Tolstoy, so there was then no hope of continuing the Bible! I ground to a halt somewhere in "David" and just couldn't go on...

The "100 minute Bible" has just been delivered, maybe I can finish that!

Are there any out-takes forn the Bible that are actually readable for someone who expects a reasonable aesthetic experience from their reading? People like Stephen Mitchell have translated parts of the Bible (Job, Gospels...) I've a feeling that might be the way to go, i.e., read the parts that good writers and poets have felt worth translating.... Any recommendations along this line?

Have you read the new renditions of the Bible? The new ones use modern day English and make the book far more accessible.

If you have questions re any specific verses or concepts, try:

www.blueletterbible.org

I try to read at least one scripture a day and precede my reading with a prayer of understanding and retention.

There's a joke in my faith with regard to a soldier who has a field version of The Book of Mormon in his breast pocket. Being knocked on his butt after a bullet gets stopped in his book in battle, he gets up, shakes the dust from his fatigues, and takes it out his scriptures in amazement and utters "I knew it!, nothing gets through 2nd Nephi !!". Perhaps the same could be said about Exodus (which is where I'm currently slogging through again [albeit reverently] in the O.T.).

My introduction to Exodus was (perhaps for many) the movie "The Ten Commandments" where Charleton Heston is cast as Moses. Movies, religious documentaries, Sunday School discussions, and BYU discussions I watch on the tube (especially "Insights to Isaiah" for me) help me to get the 'meat' of each scriptural story; and even seem to help me get more motivated to read once I understand where and what the stumbling blocks of the more esoteric parts of the scriptures are.

While Stephen Mitchell's works do offer an interesting diversion, I recommend sticking to the major works with a Bible dictionary near at hand.

I tried reading a Bible a little while ago, I thought it would make me more enlightened and better versed in the religion of Christianity. You know, hold my own in debates.

Unfortunantely I couldn't get past a couple pages. It was so dry and repetitive and boring and... you get my point.

If only Milton rewrote the whole entire Bible instead of just the fall, I might be a converted Christian. At least he holds my attention.

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Originally Posted by Homers_child

I tried reading a Bible a little while ago, I thought it would make me more enlightened and better versed in the religion of Christianity. You know, hold my own in debates.

Unfortunantely I couldn't get past a couple pages. It was so dry and repetitive and boring and... you get my point.

If only Milton rewrote the whole entire Bible instead of just the fall, I might be a converted Christian. At least he holds my attention.

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Wow! Milton translating the Bible. If only. . . . .

Yeah many parts of the Bible are dry repeditive and boring, and as a whole doesn't seem to hold up in comparison to Homer, Dante or Shakespeare.

Though, you must admit, there is some pretty beautiful stuff in there, hidden away between the thickness of two-thousand pages. Just read Ecclesiastes, it seems to go head on against what the gospels were preaching. I remember when I was a Christian, how much comfort I found in reading Pslams.

I got stuck in Genesis, but I found Jacob's deception to be hilarious. I contribute that to having viewed Woody Allen's "Love and Death" before I began reading the story and picturing Allen as Jacob with sheep's wool poorly glued to his face encouraging his father Isaac to touch it to prove that he was his masculine brother.

Genesis becomes far more interesting when it's read in the light of Kabbalah's Tree of Life.

Rabbinic significance
As to the actual significance of the numbers 10 and 22 in context of Judaism goes into Kabbalistic interpretation of Genesis. God is said to have created the world through Ten Utterances, marked by the number of times Genesis states, “And God said.”
Gen 1:3 - "And Elohim said, 'Let there be Light.' and there was Light." (Kether)
Gen 1:6 - "And Elohim said, 'Let there be a firmament in the midst of the Waters, and let it divide the Waters from the Waters." (Chockmah)
Gen 1:9 - "And Elohim said, 'Let the Waters under the heaven be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry land appear.' And it was so." (Binah)
Gen 1:11 - "And Elohim said, 'Let the Earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit after his kind, whose seed is in itself, upon the earth.' And it was so." (Chesed)
Gen 1:14-15 - "And Elohim said, 'Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years: And let them be for lights in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth.' And it was so." (Gevurah)
Gen 1:20 - "And Elohim said, 'Let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life, and fowl that may fly above the earth in the open firmament of heaven.'" (Tiphareth)
Gen 1:22 - "And Elohim Blessed them, saying, 'Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let fowl multiply in the earth.'" (Netzach)
Gen 1:26 - "And Elohim said, 'Let us make Man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air,and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.'" (Hod)
Gen 1:28 - "And Elohim blessed them and Elohim said to them, 'Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over thefish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.'" (Yesod)
Gen 1:29-30 - "And Elohim said, 'Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat. And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to every thing that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there is life, I have given every green herb for meat.' And it was so." (Malkuth)

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Originally Posted by DanielBenoit

Wow! Milton translating the Bible. If only. . . . .

Yeah many parts of the Bible are dry repeditive and boring, and as a whole doesn't seem to hold up in comparison to Homer, Dante or Shakespeare.

Though, you must admit, there is some pretty beautiful stuff in there, hidden away between the thickness of two-thousand pages. Just read Ecclesiastes, it seems to go head on against what the gospels were preaching. I remember when I was a Christian, how much comfort I found in reading Pslams.

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I agree, there are parts of the bible that are very slow but when we read it we have to remember that it wasn't written for entertainment purposes, it wasn't written as if it was some novel that we read for an hour every night like any other book. God doesn't expect you to do that, in fact, no one expects you to do that.

If you really want to read it, read it very slowly, at most 3 chapters a day, and read study guides to help you understand what it means. Also, one very simple version to read is the NIRV, New International Readers Version (it's written at a grade 3 level).

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Originally Posted by Chilly

Also, one very simple version to read is the NIRV, New International Readers Version (it's written at a grade 3 level).

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Wow, lol!

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Originally Posted by NickAdams

Genesis becomes far more interesting when it's read in the light of Kabbalah's Tree of Life.

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Interesting. Harold Bloom in "Genius" used this tenfold division to divide his "writers of genius", though he doesn't make this connection to "Genesis". In the first half the of the Keter (Crown) division you get Shakespeare, Cervantes, Montaigne, Milton, Tolstoy, and ... well you can look up the other 95 writers to see who they are and where they fit! Another Bloom list :-)

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Originally Posted by Chilly

I agree, there are parts of the bible that are very slow but when we read it we have to remember that it wasn't written for entertainment purposes, it wasn't written as if it was some novel that we read for an hour every night like any other book. God doesn't expect you to do that, in fact, no one expects you to do that.

If you really want to read it, read it very slowly, at most 3 chapters a day, and read study guides to help you understand what it means. Also, one very simple version to read is the NIRV, New International Readers Version (it's written at a grade 3 level).

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I don't care what God expects. I am asking my gods, the literary critics, to point out which parts of the Bible have aesthetic merit. And when I can't see why a part has such merit, I want to know why they think it has. So far, a few bits (Job, Ecclesiastes) I can see have the greatest aesthetic merit. Given that, I'm curious to find all the pieces with aesthetic merit without having to plough through the unploughable slow bits.

I've read Shakespeare and Homer, so I'm happy with complicated language and a certain amount of "slow". But I wouldn't read an unabridged Homer again. The Iliad has more than 1000 names of people & places, mostly appearing once (in the form "Achilles killed X", or similar.) I can see how this happened -- every important Greek had to get into this oral history! -- but it destroys the pleasure of the reading experience. Now the Bible seems to be similar in this respect, except is even "slower" than the Iliad, to the extent of being unreadable to all but (I guess) the seriously faithful or bible scholars.

So the serious common reader of literature has a predicament. Much serious literature refers to the Bible, major critics like Harold Bloom say it is canonical, so if you are serious about literature then the Bible has to be tackled somehow.

The first thing to do, for those who are Bloomites rather than Christians, is (surely) to get an abridged version approved by the master. Bloom actually said, "everything of aesthetic merit" in the Bible remains in "Testament". But he didn't say that much that isn't of aesthetic merit still remains!

For now, I'll read through the 100 Minute Bible, to get a bird's eye view, and then, maybe, try "Testament" again from the beginning -- editing out the "slow" bits to avoid on a re-read!

I guess it would be easy if Christianity was my religion, then I would just read the Bible. No excuses. But literature is my religion, so why should I go through the pain of reading the Bible, when I could re-read Hamlet, unabridged (!), and experience my religion in action, at its best...

I'm assuming you already know the basic? That the Bible is not a novel, nor written like a novel, nor even a Homeric epic. It is a collection of individual books written at different times by different authors about different aspects of the history and beliefs of the people of the Bible, all assembled between two covers as one "book". So, if anything, it is more like a collection of short stories by different authors with different perspectives around a common theme. Does Tanakh ring a bell? If not, google will tell you better than I can what the major divisions and perspectives are.

I would recommend that anyone read essays about biblical teaching rather than plunge into the book itself. An essay on, say, Mosaic law. Then another on Messianic law and how it overrules or enforces the old law. But if you must plunge into the book itself take the easy route.

For example, when reading the Old Testament, why not start with Amos? It is brief and deals with one topic: the punishment dealt to Israel because of its injustices and abuse of poor people. Then, try Proverbs which is a collection about wisdom and good conduct. Then go to the New Testament and begin with an easy book like James which deals with love and charity.

If you go from page one to the end, you may find that it is too boring or that it is inaccessible. Best to just read about the Bible before actually reading it.

If you want readable it's mostly in the New Testament. Psalms, Ecclesiastes, and Song of Solomon are good too. IMHO

Definitely skip at least the first 5 books, and pretty much anything before the prophets. Isaiah has some pretty sweet stuff in it, I know, but the rest of the prophets I'm not as familiar with, so I couldn't say.

What translation are you reading?

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Originally Posted by mal4mac

I am asking my gods, the literary critics, to point out which parts of the Bible have aesthetic merit.

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But literature is my religion,

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Then, why not let Shakespeare, Tolstoy and Milton be your gods instead of having a bunch of literary critics think for you.

Sometimes in literature you need to bite the bullet and read works unabridged.


By the way, concerning translation: I always stick to the King James Version, certainly the most poetic.

Personally I would beg to differ with the assertions as the the "unreadability" of the Bible. I would personally place it along side of Shakespeare, Dante, and a few other absolute essential texts... speaking purely in aesthetic terms. If you are reading the Bible in English I would insist that there is only one translation of the entire text worthy of consideration and that is the King James Version.

I'm not certain where your difficulties with the text lie. I would suggest that it is probably of great help to begin with a critical exploration of how the work is laid out because you must be aware that the text as it exists is the product of numerous authors and later editors (some better than others). This is true even within individual "books" in which we often find more than a single version of same story interpolated. One might do well to familiarize yourself with the so-called "Documentary Hypothesis" which proposes a number of distinct writers within the Pentateuch. The theory essentially suggests that a number of different narratives by different writers were edited at a later time into the text that we now have. You can see an intro to the theory here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Documentary_hypothesis

Or one may also look into Richard Elliott Friedmann's The Hidden Book in the Bible and Harold Bloom's (Oh no! Not him again!) The Book of J for further exploration.

The Bible is essentially a collection of loosely related and unrelated texts that represent the collective "history" of the Hebrew people. One might imagine what a post-Apocalyptic Bible of our culture might be like if it were to constructed of fragments of various lengths of Shakespeare (narrative), Blake and Baudelaire as well as lyrics of a few popular songs (poetry), bits of the Bill or Rights and the legal code of New York State (law), brief comments by Oscar Wilde, Mark Twain, and Goethe (proverbs), etc...

The best approach to the Bible is to read one section or book at a time. Personally I find the work to contain some of the most magnificent writing ever. Like many of the truly "canonical" (Ack! Ack! That word again!!!) writers, the Bible can be shockingly strange because it is not what one expects at all. Of course Dante was not what I expected... neither was Kafka. But this strangeness is a strength. It shocks you out of your preconceived notions. The God of Abraham and Moses is a jealous, petty... at times despicable God ("Abe... kill me a son. You'd do it if you loved me." Moses... chop off the end of your penis. You'd do it if you loved me. It'll be a sign of a covenant... just between me and you.") In many ways this is a God not unfamiliar to Kafka.

As I already stated, I find the KJV to be by far the best English translation of the entire Bible... and certainly it has the advantage of a magnificent almost Shakespearean language. There are translations of the individual texts, however, that I would recommend. Certainly read Stephen Mitchell's Job which marvelously captures the poetry of the text. Mitchell also offers some intriguing interpretations in his commentary. Robert Alter offers some marvelous translations (The Five Books of Moses, The David Story, and The Book of Psalms) which offer up translations that are closer to capturing the original Hebrew rhythms, repetitions, and poetry. Ariel and Chana Bloch's translation of The Song of Songs is quite beautiful. I would also recommend A Poet's Book of Psalms edited by Lawrence Wieder in which the author selects what he considers to be the finest English translation of each of the Psalms (as poetry). Translators include Robert Burns, John Milton, Phillip Sidney, John Davies, Thomas Wyatt, Christopher Smart, Thomas Campion, Mary Sidney Herbert, Samuel Taylor Coleridge, etc...

Beyond these... I would (and do) still return to the KJV of the various books of the Bible. Genesis offers a fabulous fable-like explanation of the creation. Something only echoed in works like the Persian Shanameh. It is at once simple... and profound. The psychological insights and personal tragedies of figures such as Abraham, Moses, Jacob, David, Saul, etc... rivals the strongest narratives of literature.

Job is an almost shocking work... beginning in the manner of something like a puppet theater as an unknown God whose decisions cannot be questioned allows the "tempter" to play with the lives of his servant Job and family. I cannot help but think of Kafka's unseen tormentors: "One day J awoke to found that all he loved had been taken from him without reason..." Confronting this greatest challenge of faith... how can a just God allow bad things to happen to good people?... the book then erupts into a magnificent torrent of visionary poetry before returning once again to the puppet theater.

The Bible contains some of the most sensuous erotic poetry: "I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon. Come, let us take our fill of love until the morning." "Thy lips, O my spouse, drop as the honeycomb. Honey and milk are under thy tongue, and the smell of thy garments is like the smell of Lebanon." Such poetry of love can be found in The Song of Songs... as well as certain Psalms.

Beyond this one may uncover magnificent poetry of praise, tormented lamentations and dire prophesy... some of which is horrific to read after knowledge of the Holocaust. There are also the magical narratives of the life of Jesus and the horrors of the Passion... the brilliance of the Sermon on the Mount which must stand along the Tao Te Ching at the summit of "wisdom literature" and again... the prophesies of Revelations... worthy of the most visionary bits of Blake, the Qur'an, Moby Dick, etc...

Like many of the towering works of literature, the Bible is unquestionably deeply flawed. It lacks the smooth narrative flow and perfection of a book such as Lolita, The Great Gatsby, or Madame Bovary. Of course one might point out just how Don Quixote, War and Peace, Moby Dick, Ulysses, and other such texts also become lost in diversions... sink into passages that are not merely less-than-marvelous... or even mediocre... but are actually bad... even horrible. And yet the wealth and splendor that is there to be found is also beyond compare. In a like manner I think of the oeuvre of Pablo Picasso who may just have produced the most crap of any great artist... some of it so bad that one cannot even fathom how even a mediocre artist would have allowed just trash to see the light of day... but then he also produces more art that attains the highest levels imaginable than almost anyone I can think of... and the heights he attains are virtually as unimaginable... and unexpected as those of the Bible.

If you want readable it's mostly in the New Testament. Psalms, Ecclesiastes, and Song of Solomon are good too. IMHO

Definitely skip at least the first 5 books, and pretty much anything before the prophets. Isaiah has some pretty sweet stuff in it, I know, but the rest of the prophets I'm not as familiar with, so I couldn't say

Skip the first five books??!! That would be the Pentateuch... the Torah... pretty much the core narratives of the Hebrew Bible.