The beast within

It's an old one, but I prefer my older poetry to my new work, which is crap so I decided I will introduce myself with this poem.

The Beast Within

Falling away from me is this Sanity
And all I can do is watch the event
Change before my eyes, before the end
I live in a world of inhumanity

Deeper into the abyss I will fall
When monsters take over my mind
How is it that I could be so blind?
Before the end, I will know the call

The call of wisdom beckons me
I see the truth floating high above
Reaching out, I am touched by love
Yet hated by many, forced to flee

The love is left behind in Sanity
Is this truly how it was meant?
It is an event I cannot comprehend
Am I the victim of my vanity?

They hunt me down like a beast
I see hatred not of their own
In my eyes its true nature is shown
Their fear has been unleashed

Deep inside me the wolf dreams
Full moon, the monster will awake
Take over my mind everything’s at stake
In the night, helpless screams

Seeing blood is on my hands now
The love I knew is gone
It was the wolf that took her at dawn
I am never to know how

Killing myself, again I rise
The wolf, the beast must be why
Immortal, Therefore I cannot die
Again I hear the endless cries

Hunters searching for my lair
Tormented with guilt I hide
The wolf, long ago he took my pride
Leaving me only despair

A piece of silver pierces my heart
The beast inside me dies
From within nevermore to arise
Now I am finally free to depart.

Critiques anyone? Any advise on how to improve?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by AimusSage

It's an old one, but I prefer my older poetry to my new work, which is crap so I decided I will introduce myself with this poem.

The Beast Within

Falling away from me is this Sanity
And all I can do is watch the event
Change before my eyes, before the end
I live in a world of inhumanity

Deeper into the abyss I will fall
When monsters take over my mind
How is it that I could be so blind?
Before the end, I will know the call

The call of wisdom beckons me
I see the truth floating high above
Reaching out, I am touched by love
Yet hated by many, forced to flee

The love is left behind in Sanity
Is this truly how it was meant?
It is an event I cannot comprehend
Am I the victim of my vanity?

They hunt me down like a beast
I see hatred not of their own
In my eyes its true nature is shown
Their fear has been unleashed

Deep inside me the wolf dreams
Full moon, the monster will awake
Take over my mind everything’s at stake
In the night, helpless screams

Seeing blood is on my hands now
The love I knew is gone
It was the wolf that took her at dawn
I am never to know how

Killing myself, again I rise
The wolf, the beast must be why
Immortal, Therefore I cannot die
Again I hear the endless cries

Hunters searching for my lair
Tormented with guilt I hide
The wolf, long ago he took my pride
Leaving me only despair

A piece of silver pierces my heart
The beast inside me dies
From within nevermore to arise
Now I am finally free to depart.

---

You seem to be in friction with yourself fighting with Lucifer within yourself.

This poem has something, indeed very deep to move and absorb us. I like the stuff in its entirety. Something really enigmatic and shocking, of course observing how man lives in a saucepan of evils, for there is no easy rescue.

I really like this. Darkly heroic, battling oneself and others who both seek to make and unmake you, while you make and unmake yourself. I like the beast metaphor, and especially the end with the silver bullet killing the beast and starting anew. You certainly have evocative wording. My only critique is to don't force the rhyme-scheme so much. If you're going after rhymes I recommend using regulated meters. It doesn't have to be strict though.