a freestyle poem

I don’t know what to say
the words I have are not enough
to express the amount of things boiling inside my head
I cannot say that I have lost
Something which I never had
Nor can I blame anyone
Not even myself
For this web of hurt
I cannot say what it is that troubles me
Only that I hurt
Within
And nothing can allay this pain
The choice is simple
There are three
Either all have pain
Or only me
Each time I leave
When it all becomes too much
All I hear is why cant you think of us
Our feelings
Our pain
Forget yourself
And yet
This is not intended
It is not what the words say
But it is the truth
I cannot rightly say that what they do is wrong
And I cannot bear to hurt them
Dear god this is all so wrong
Why can I not just be angry
Unreasonable and rude
Lose my temper and blame and cast edicts of shame
Why must I see
All the facets of this gem
Terrible and twisted
Sparkling black
I am one who wants to say that everything is fine.
To take the pain of others,
To make everyone smile
But in this I cannot bear
I try to run away
I have never run before
This is all so very strange.
I try but do not understand
Somehow I feel ashamed
I would cry but I have no tears, to shed
I feel sad but somehow not
Hurt perhaps and angry
Just a little bit
I cant quite express the way I feel inside
My one constant stalwart anchor
Is pushing me aside
To drift in stormy seas
In a ship lying on its side
When i'm hurting and wanting to get away
He says to me
I wish that you could just let this be
And he speaks with pain in his voice
This makes me hurt the most
I hate to cause more hurt
I wish I could be angry
And push the blame away
Instead I blame myself
Though for what I do not know
I try to find my way
I know I will go on
Alone again and now with no anchor
where I am I do not know
Im drifting with the tide
In a ship sailing on its side
Truly alone
again

well here it is i wrote this during some really screwed up times
please tell me what you think
thankee much!

"the less i limit my experience of life to how much of it i understand the more life i live" quote by brent elder