Sarah a Vampires Tale(need help, open to suggestions)

I felt my face. I traced the outline with two of my fingers. This wasn't my face. This clearly felt like someone else's. But I already knew this. The reason this did'nt feel like my face even though it was was because I had become something. It /was a something. I knew it wasn't human, that I wasn't human anymore. I looked human. Heck, I looked drop dead stunning. But, I really did'nt feel human. I would have never wanted to see blood before. But now, I would stare at it. I would get thirsty looking at it. I wanted to lick it right off the...
What am I doing? I had to tell someone, but who? Who would'nt think I was crazy?

The next day, I went into the bathroom in my appartment to brush my teeth. I ran my toothbrush under the cool water. I got my toothpaste and squrted it onto the brush. I opened wide to dicover that two of my teeth got noticablie longer... and sharper.

I thought about this for the rest of the day, feeling those two teeth, or now I would call them fangs from the size. Maybe I should put these signs into 'ask' when I get home. I know the internet will not call you crazy.

The funny thing was, the results kept coming up as vampire. I knew that was downright crazy... or was it. I searched pounding in diffrent words hoping for a non-vampire result. I found none. Maybe I was a vampire! I pounded in 'signs of being a vampire.' The answer I got was being bitten. I do not remember anything biting me. So, just trying to get a laugh, looked at my throat. Then, I stopped breathing. There was a bite mark. Maybe it was a scratch that just happened to come at this point in my life. I did laugh at the irony. Or was it really ironic?

Its alright I like it. I think it needs more depth though, more plot. It reads rather well I would like to read more.

Looking out the window was not his idea of peacfulness. Watching the world suffer was not his idea of fun. He wanted to do something. But what? Going after the most powerful dictator in the world was certain death, forming a rebel group to oppose him was certain death, and even saying one curse about him meant certain death.

"Well," he thought,"I guess I'm just going to die then. But not alone of course." He had one person that he knew would help him. His name was the suppLY ER. People called him just supply of corse. But, anyone how spoke of him was killed if caught. "I'm going to need some wepons though. Maybe a silenced machine gun." He only thought about that option for about two seconds because he knew that getting a wepon here was to much trouble, illegal trouble, and to much money. "I guess I will just make my own."

Two days later, he had crafted two knives. That was it. There were no other resources around to make anything better than that. He had to take parts off of his appartment at night just to make 2 knives. Next, he went around the neighbor hood. He stopped to talk to someone one the street. He asked them how they thought life was going. Each one that said horrible was told to rally at a certain point in the city.

His plans were to have them start a riot in the part of town he had them in. It was were the goverment sold all of the things because there were no other companies. He told them not to harm the workers. The workers were all citizens. Most of the goverment troops would be so worried about this that they would leave their stations. Then, he,Supply, and a small group of men were to go into the palace in which the dictator lived to kill him and take controll.

He told the Men and Weman before he left...

"Two Days Till Freedom!"

"Revoultion," they would say as proudly and quietly as they could.

Grace was a girl who moved from a small town in Mississippi. She came here to Mountain Brook, Alabama last year. She got through the year. This year though, I heard somthing terrible from my friend about her. She had cut herself because she missed her old place so much. She stopped just cuting herself and started to try to kill herself. I found out that she went to the hospital. This had happened at the beggining of this year. My friend said she had turned emo or gothic. I had noticed her wearing way darker clothes this year than last year. I thought I would just post that today as an exerpt from my journal.

The groom was standing with his beautiful bride. The man could'nt stand seeing all of his friends with beautiful wemen while he had no one. Of course you really can't blame the girls. This man had many,many issues. As the man sat there in the wedding, he started to cry and left. Then, he was furius. He could'nt think right. His pupils widened at his not so well thought of plan. He re-arrived at the wedding.

"Do You take him as your husband,"the preist said.
"I Do," said the woman.
"And do you take her as your wife," said the preist.
"I d.. arg," cried the man as he fell to the ground in pain. He had a well crafted knife from Europe in the bottom of his neck."Why?"he managed to gargle when he looked at who his attacker was.
"You know what Bill? I really don't know!" he cried as he pushed the man's newly married wife off of him. Right as he grabbed another knife out of his pocket,the injured man tripped the crazy. Then, he grabbed the crazy's knife and stabbed him.
The cops showed up. They helped up the groom and his bride and escorted them to the hospital.

THIS WOULD BE A MOMENT THEY WOULD NEVER FORGET!

I breathed in the 4:00a.m air. The most relaxing time of the day. No worries. No responcibility. I looked around the area I was in. I was searching for higher ground, something higher up to sit on so I could enjoy my time in the bitter cold. I decided to jump up on top of the car. I was freezing and being relaxed at the same time. How strange. I looked at the sky, studying the lines in the trees above me. It would be nice to sit up there. Relaxation was my happyness. My only real happyness in the world. Yes, technology was entertaining, but sitting in nature with almost no sounds was great. The only thing I could possibly worry about was my fear towards darkness. I imbrassed the dark at the same time I feared it. It was like fire. Touching the fire hurts, but seeing was great. Seeing nothing in front of me must be my truest fear and I usely dislike the cold. Wow! So much relaxation from the things I hate the most.

I lay on the ground in terrible pain.The agony, the suffering I was having to indore. There were to many voices around me for me to think. There was I young adult sitting next to me. He grabbed his curly, blond hair in an attempt to not think about his bloody legs. I tried to look down at my arms because they felt very num. I was shocked to dicover that my left arm was in shreads. The long sleeve was burned up to my sholder blade. Bits of shattered bone were still hanging off. I tried to not think about it. But, the thought sickened me so that I passed out. I re-awoke in a place with many screams and gun fire. My arm was simy bandaged. I tried to get up when a sudden pain shot through what was left of my arm. A solider walked by me, helped me up, and handed me a side arm.
"Hope you know how to use this. Damn! We need more reinforcments! Hey, can you run in your condition?" the solider asked with angry eye. I nodded.
"Good. Run this down the hall to B company." And then, I ran...

I eyed the atackers. One looked like he had a mushroom as a nose and a very serius face. The other one was just a little chuby. They were planing to flank A company.

Should I run for B company to deliver this message, or shall I distact these men to save A company?

By: Me!




The captains on the plane had eaten raw fish, everyone on the plane but me. I preferred chicken. That fish had made everyone pass out. The plane also wasn’t on auto pilot!

This will be my doom you say? I think not!
With that, I ran to the front of the plane. I saw the door that led to the cockpit. I knew that the door would be locked. There was only was only one way in…

I made sure to knock in a polite fashion. Then the door flew open. That worked? I ran in. I grabbed a phone/radio thingy so I could talk to air traffic control. A man with a Chinese accent asked what the problem was. I started psycho- babbling to him about the fish and the pilots. The Chinese man said one thing to me. This changed my life.
I grabbed one of the fish as he told me to. I went back into the cockpit. I held the fish to my eye level. I stared at him. He stared at me . I stared at him. He stared at me . Then, the fish suddenly slapped me on the cheek and fell on the planes throttle. It started flapping around on the buttons. In the end, that fish actually landed the plane. THEY END!!!!! YE WHO! We only drink on 2 occasions, when we’re thirsty and when we’re not. I’m thirstay!

I would have to say the main problem with the majority of you writing is that you don't spend enough time to actually develop your stories. You have a sharp brain you just need to use it a little more. Actually develop you stories and show some character development.