Showdown at Eroda Inn

This is a fun short story written for the sole purpose of entertainment. Again, tell me where you think I can improve.

Thieving is not the most desirable of occupations and is not respected in any typical social structure. In certain scenarios, however, even acceptable, good men find their immoral actions justifiable. It is true that a spontaneous lifestyle, thieving for instance, produces spontaneous outcomes. Cause and effect; action and re-action, the basic principle of the universe. There is no predicting what will happen next… such is the case of David Black: Future savior of the poor and the powerless.
The young protégée had undeniable skills. Analytical, philosophical, and physical subjects were his main focuses. He was smarter than men twice his age, always being quick to solve complex conundrums standing between him and whatever it was that he wanted; he conquered hardships with artless wit. When it came to philosophy, his beliefs were simple. He never did see the need to complicate situations (unless of course he was planning an elaborate folly.) They were: Be kind and be fair. It was nothing too obscure. Although he preferred being alone, maintaining serenity with the people around him was important to him. Physically, he was astounding. He was faster than a peregrine, stronger than a bear, and more agile than a cat. This did not come easy to him at first. It took nearly the first half of his life to learn how to maneuver with such accuracy and vigor. It was safe to say that he had no worthy opponent. There was not a soul that knew of his talents.
He traveled solo on the dirt roads of Shirlett, stopping only for provisions. Some nights he was forced to sleep on the streets… or in the woods, were the towns too distant to arrive before dark. In order to keep his anonymity, his attire was altered frequently. Some nights it would be a brown cloak, and others it would be a farmer’s hat and dirty rags. It was essential that his wardrobe varied, for he was a wanted man and needed to be a chameleon.
At a very early age, David became addicted art of thievery. According to his morals, one could call him a hypocrite. That does not encumber the fact that stealing is a thrilling, and obsessive art that many men fall victims to. David was one of them. Unlike the others though, he only stole from the rich and undeserving. It was his way of feeding his hateful vendetta against the throne… Bill Warsaw. Under his rule, the rich had become richer, and the poor had become poorer. Those who could not pay the prices were killed. David knew first hand the extent of Warsaw’s cruelty, and had made himself a fortune out of his malice.

On this particular night, he wore the disheveled brown cloak, and large leather boots. The boots had a silver buckle in the form of a skull, with rubies for eyes. David had stolen them from a wealthy man in Baunte named Edward Uhdbranc. Uhdbranc was infamous for his partnership with Bill Warsaw in founding a whorehouse at capital for Warsaw’s militiamen.
A drop of perspiration dripped from his brow to his dirty cheek.
The sun was fading to the west, behind the Norshetta Forest pines. The sky was painted with an eerie orange glow. There were few golden clouds in the dusty evening sky.
With each footstep he took, his feet seemed to increase in weight, as well as his eyelids – but he would not sleep, or let his guard down. It was far too dangerous in this unknown territory.

Just as he was planning to camp out in a safe, hidden area, he saw the glimmer of a lantern not too far ahead. He sighed in relief.
As he came closer, he could distinguish a wooden sign, hanging from a pole off the side of the building. It read, Eroda Inn. Underneath Eroda Inn was Warsaw’s military seal. This place was protected by the government.
The flame had come from a small torch, lit in front of the sign.
The inn itself was at high spirits. David could not help but think how strange it was for one to paint an inn scarlet red. It was outlandish for anything bright to exist in this world.
Regardless of the inn’s vermillion hue, or who it was protected by, it was a place to stay. He rapped three times on the giant bolted barn-like door. A slot opened before him. Two tired, wrinkled eyes appeared.
“Who be you?” The voice was that belonging to an old woman.
“Merely a weary traveler requesting a place to stay for the night.” David was sure to sound kind.
“The price is two silver pieces. Can you pay?” She was a most unhappy sounding woman.
“That I can.” His voice was cool and smooth, and unworried.
The slot shut, and from behind the heavy door sounded a series of clicks and thumps. After the noises ceased, the door creaked open, leaving him just enough room to enter comfortably. It was not nearly as fancy on the inside as it was on the outside, but it was cozy. At the far end of the inn was a bar, from which a fat old man slumbered lackadaisically behind the cedar counter. A tall man, suavely dressed, sat at the bar drinking some sort of pale yellow liquor from an opaque glass. He sat on one of the three-legged stools. A colored fellow sat in the corner playing an old guitar and singing folk songs from long ago. As David further inspected the room, he fastidiously noticed the red, worn velvet sofas facing each other in the room to the left of him, where a woman sat, sewing fervently. Beads of sweat formed on her temples.
The sound of the door shutting and locking reminded David of the old hag. He pulled from his pocket two silver pieces. Greedily, the woman took them. She played with them in her filthy hands before looking up at him and asking, “Would you like to be shown to your room, or perhaps a drink first?” Her grin was wicked.
He was quite tired, but the allure of a drink prevailed.
Concealed by his hood he answered, “A drink sounds fine.”
“Make your way to the bar, and never mind Sal, he’s always sleepin’ like that. Raven will be down in a moment to serve you.”
“Thank you.” Without another word, David sat at the bar, two seats away from the other man, setting his things down softly on the wooden floor.
The other man, although drinking, appeared very alert, his eyes fixed on the door from which David had entered.
As he sat there, waiting for his drink, the thought had crossed David’s mind that maybe he should rob this place. He had not planned it previously, but because it was protected under the government, the owners must have been doing Warsaw some sort of favor, which meant that David already did not like them. What is going on in this inn? He pondered. Inconspicuously, he studied the room for spies. The suave man at the bar obviously did not work for Warsaw. He was focused on something completely different. What that was, David did not know. It was the way the man sat that gave him away; he was a gentleman. Men working for Warsaw were arrogant, gluttonous, depraved, and would drink up at the opportunity. No, this man was not one of Warsaw’s.
The old woman and the girl on the sofa began to quarrel about how the girl had stitched the quilt incorrectly. It was not too distracting, for there were many other noises in the inn at that particular moment. Sal, the fat sleeping man, who was only twelve or so feet from the two men, snored ridiculously loud. The colored man played his guitar gaily, singing an old folk song, Mary Brought Me My Baby, So She May Take Her Away. David tapped his toe lightly to the old familiar tune.
A series of footsteps sounded from the front stairs, and from behind the banister appeared a young lady, no older than sixteen. She looked at David with curiosity on her face, then regained her composure and hurried behind the cedar counter of the bar.
“I’m sorry to keep you waiting sir. What will you be drinking?” She looked at him with fierce green eyes. Her beauty was cumbersome.
“Whiskey, please.” It had been so long since he had had a drink.
“Whiskey it is.” She turned to the cabinet and took a glass vase from which she poured the alcohol. She handed it to him. “Holler if you want some more.” She turned to the other man. “More for you?”
With no lack of enunciation he replied, “No thank you Ma’am, I have had quite enough tonight.” He smiled infectiously. His words had seeped from his lips like liquid charm.
“All right then.” She put the vase back into its cabinet and started to the velvet sofas where the woman sat sewing.
“Wait…” David began. He felt the urge to out-charm the other man.
She stopped. “Yes?”
David took from his pocket a silver coin and set it on the counter. “For your service.”
The girl grinned. “It would best for you to keep your coin Sir.”
“You do not want it?” He found it surprising and strange that a girl in not but rags would turn down such money.
“I do not accept charity from mysterious hooded men whom I have only known for but a moment.” She began to walk away.
“Personal virtue?” He continued.
She stopped. “No.”
The tall man did an “ahem,” before saying, “Perhaps if you were to lower you hood she would feel safer and unafraid.”
“Who said I was afraid?”
“A dark mysterious man takes interest in you and you have no fear?” The tall man said.
Once again the girl smiled. “ Are you afraid of the dark mysterious man?” She laughed a laugh as sweet as honey.
“Raven! I advise you to help Charlotte finish the quilts,” The old hag spat. Without hesitation, Raven hurried to the sofas. The old woman turned to David. “Do not tempt my servant with silver. She is forbidden to accept it.” With that, the woman hobbled up the front stairs.
The tall man extended a hand to David. “Nicolas DeClaire.”
Feeling defeated, David shook the hand but did not reply.
“Why do you hide your face? Are you a coward?” Nicolas asked coolly.
With sangfroid, David replied, “My hood is my business, as is the decision of hiding my face. Think of it what you will.”
“I had no intensions of being rude, but one cannot be too careful at times like these. I apologize if I have offended you.”
David nodded. “Think nothing of it.”
Nicolas took a sip of his liquor. “Raven… She has undeniable beauty for a girl working in a place like this. It is surprising she has not been snatched up by Uhdbranc.”
At the mention of Uhdbranc’s name, David turned to Nicolas. “You are no common citizen, are you?” David inquired.
Nicolas lowered his voice to a whisper. “You know of this man, Uhdbranc?
“I have heard of him.”
“Then you know he is a wicked man.”
“You could have yourself killed talking like that about an official party member.” David smiled. “Are you so sure of your company?”
“Are you threatening me?” Nicolas furrowed his brow.
At that moment there was an outrageously loud knock on the bolted door. Nicolas and David looked from one another to the door. The hag woman scrambled down the stairs and to the door. She looked out the peephole. “Alright, alright, go back to your drinks.” She sneered.
The woman opened the door and in walked a fat man with a curly black mustache. He was an upper-class man, who did not belong at Eroda Inn.
“It is stinking hot out there. Took two hours to get here from Capital,” he bellowed.
The old woman shut and locked the doors. “Try to be quiet, I have guests.”
“Oh yes, of course.”
David caught a glimpse of the man. Apparently so had Nicolas, who’s eyes were opened wide. The man was Edward Uhdbranc. It was at that moment that David decided he was surely robbing the place, and leaving Uhdbranc on the floor in nothing but his knickers.
David turned to Nicolas and whispered, “I am not a man that believes in coincidence Mr. DeClaire.”
“That makes two of us.”
Uhdbranc did not take a seat at the bar, but at a table rather, in a dark corner.
“RAVEN!” The old hag shouted. “Get this man whatever he wants to drink.”
“I want water, and make it quick. I am extremely thirsty,” he demanded.
Raven stood up, obviously annoyed, and came to the counter once more. She snatched up a pitcher and a glass and stormed away. At Uhdbranc’s table, she poured his water for him. “Enjoy.” She huffed.
“Oh I will,” He said piggishly, looking at her with a grin. “Your name is Raven. How beautiful...”
She gave him a look of disgust before walking back to the bar.
David raised his glass. “More Whiskey please.”
She hurried and retrieved the tin pitcher. Leaning close to him to fill his glass she whispered, “Thank you.”
Nicolas, upon hearing this intimate “thank you” was immediately jealous. “Me too!” He exclaimed. “I would like more Whiskey as well.”
She smiled, flashing her perfect teeth. “Very well, thirsty traveler.” She filled his glass.
“Miss,” David began, “You wouldn’t happen to have anything to eat would you?”
“I’m afraid you have arrived too late for supper, but there is some bread. Would you like some?” She was eager to serve the two men at the bar.
“Yes please.” Proud of himself for diverting her attention from Nicolas, David smiled.
Raven hurried off through some doors beyond the bar.
“Are you pleased with yourself?” Nicolas asked.
“What do you mean?”
“You have sent her away.” Nicolas smiled.
“You dog. Have you fallen victim to her Siren’s call?” David asked slyly.
“Only fools fall prey to lust, stranger.” Shrugging, he said, “I can dream though.”
The men shared a laugh.
Strangely, there was another knock on the door. This time it was quieter.
“Oh my.” The old woman unlocked and opened the heavy door once more. She was a lot stronger than she looked. “Oh hello! Do come in.” The kindness in her voice was clearly an act.
In the doorway stood a thin man with slick hair, and standing next to him was a young girl, about twelve.
“I am Victor, and this is my daughter Sophie. I am here to meet a man.”
“You know the price.” The woman collected her fee and closed the door. “Go about your business. Are you thirsty?”
“No.”
“Very well.”
The man and his daughter went and sat at the table with Uhdbranc, discussing something rather privately.
It was not long before Raven returned with bread for David. “Here sir.”
“You are an angel. Thank you,” David answered charismatically.
Raven laughed. “Is there anything else I can do for…” She hesitated when she noticed the guests in the corner with Uhdbranc. “…you?”
“Stay here with us and chat.” Nicolas suggested.
“I cannot. I’m sorry.” She still stared at the group in the corner.

This was David’s chance to rob the place, if he was ever going to do it. He took a last swig of his whiskey and tossed the glass to the floor. It shattered into a thousand pieces. Everybody stopped what they had been doing and looked up at David. That was, everybody except the colored man, who continued strumming.
“What are you doing?” Raven whispered.
David stood up. “I’m robbing you.” He withdrew from his hidden holsters a pair of shiny silver pistols and held them up. He pointed one at Uhdbranc. “Step forward.”
From behind himself, David heard two clicks. He turned only to be looking down the barrels of two more pistols.
“I can’t let you do that.” Nicolas said in a raspy voice.
“Alright now, both of you boys drop the guns.” Raven spoke rather confidently. She had pulled out her own set of pistols.
“RAVEN!” The old woman shouted.
“SHUT UP MYRTLE.” Raven exclaimed.
The three gun bearers stood in a deadly triangle, each pointing a pistol at the other two.
Simultaneously, Nicolas and David said to Raven, “What are you doing?”
“What are you doing?” She retorted.
“I’m robbing you!” David said. "COWER WITH FEAR!" He shouted humorously.
“I am saving the girl,” said Nicolas.
“I don’t need you rescuing.”
“No, not you. Her.” Nicolas passed a look to Sophie. “Do you not see? This is a trade. That girl is to end up a whore! I am here to intervene. What are you doing?” He asked Raven.
“Freeing the caged bird.” Her emerald eyes were unwavering. David knew from this look that she had experienced hell here.
David frowned. “We are in quite a predicament then aren’t we?”
“Hmm,” Nicolas pursed his lips. “Maybe we can all work together to achieve a common goal.” He winked.
Raven looked to David. “Sounds good to me.”
“Let’s not waste time.” David turned and pointed his gun back at Uhdbranc; only he was not there. That rat was trying to escape.
A gunshot sounded, causing both the hag and little Sophie to scream. Raven had shot Uhdbranc, who was now lying facedown in front of the door.
There was a moment where all seemed to freeze in time. For a split second, there was no sound. The snoring, the playing, and the quarreling had ceased.
Bringing, David back to the moment, Nicolas pounced with surprising agility to the other skinny man with slick hair and tackled him to the ground, hitting him over the head with his revolver.
David walked swiftly to Uhdbranc, who was moaning on the floor. “Get up, it’s only your shoulder.” David lowered his own hood revealing his handsome face and dark hair.
“YOU!” Edward Uhdbranc had a look of horror on his face.
Smiling, David answered, “Ah, you remember. Give me your money and your boots.”
Without delay he obeyed, taking out his pouch of gold and kicking off his boots.
“Thank you very much, and now I must say goodbye my old foe.” With that David took the boots and money and went back to the bar to take his own things.
Speaking to Raven he said, “Excellent shot.”
She nodded in acknowledgment.
Nicolas now had the girl in his possession. “Shall we take our leave then?”
“I’m ready.” Raven said.
The old woman then leapt in front of the door. “You are all going to be arrested! This place is protected under the government! None of you are leaving!”
Raven stepped in front of the two men and held up her gun. “Warsaw can go to hell.” Raven took aim with her gun and shot the latch off of the door.
The woman cowered away and hobbled to where the girl on the couch sat, horrified. “Just go!” Shrieked the girl.
The fat man had slept through the whole incident. He snored away. The colored man could care less. He continued playing folk songs on his guitar. Except now he played the old song, “My Darling, It’s Only Just Begun”.
The three of them, along with little Sophie, left Eroda Inn. As they walked away, Raven turned to David and said, “You are very handsome. I expected you to be disfigured hiding under your hood like that.”

Very intersesting and entertaining story. It was a little sticky at the point where everybody drew guns but other wise nice story.

Thanks for the comment. sticky?

I felt it was sticky because the story was moving at a fast pace and then all of a sudden at the climax everything stopped for a few seconds. Additionally if you have ever stood behind a gun pointing at something else living you will know that then is not the time that you stop and start talking. By the time you have made up your mind to point to gun it is the time for action. From my experience in hunting at the point where everyone pulls there guns the room would have been filled with smoke in seconds because reason would have left the room. The action of someone else pulling there gun at you after you pulled your gun at them would be followed by you attempting to retain the upper hand rather than waiting for their guns to be pointing at you. If you just remove the talking and have Uhdbranc try to escape following by him being shot and the room being turned into a mess of action it would be less sticky. As is it it slows down at that point and throws the reader off.

Yeah I can definitely appreciate that.

Now that I think about it I could do all of the action first and inconspicuously reveal details later. That would actually flow a lot better.

I was not necessarily going for realistic but I understand that that could be confusing to the reader.